This is for those of you who read "Will To Survive" and asked for a followup story that had a little less action (of the firefighting kind anyway) and more about Johnny and Shannon. A word of caution: this story is not ‘R’ rated, but it does contain three very adult scenes. It has all the required elements of an E! Story, but it was written as a romance, so you might want to make this late night reading when the house is quiet, the lights are low... turn on some soft music (if you have Sarah McLachlan’s "Song for a Winter’s Night," a must at the very end), pour a glass of wine... and for those sentimentalists out there, have a few tissues handy. Enjoy!
"CHRISTMAS IN THE ROCKIES"
Epilog to
"Will To Survive"
“Featuring Challenge 14”
BY
Nan M
It wasn’t really sad, the way they said good-bye,
Or... maybe it just hurt so bad, she couldn’t cry.
He packed his things, walked out the door, and drove away,
And she became the girl from yesterday.
He took a plane across the sea, to some foreign land,
She stayed at home and tried so hard to understand.
How someone who had been so close, could be so far away,
And she became the girl from yesterday.
She doesn’t know what’s right, she doesn’t know what’s wrong,
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for so long.
And she doesn’t count the teardrops, that she’s cried while he’s away,
Because she knows deep in her heart that he’ll be back someday.
The light’s on in the window, she’s waiting by the phone,
Talking to a memory, that’s never comin’ home.
She dreams of his returning, and the things that he might say,
But, she’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
Yeah, she’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
* * * * * * * *
Shannon sighed as she listened to the song for the hundredth time. It wasn’t exactly the way it had been. He hadn’t taken a plane to a foreign land, although some people thought LA qualified as one, and she wasn’t the type to stay at home and sit by the phone. But the rest of it... well, the rest of it pretty much summed up how hard it had been when Johnny left the first time. Oh, sure, it was a mutual decision.... But it had still broken her heart when she watched him drive away. She had done a good job of convincing him, and herself, that he was giving her the freedom she wanted to go her own way and pursue her own dreams.
It had been awkward at first, but they remained close friends, and she had moved on with her life, and he with his, just as they agreed. They were both doing what they loved, and were living their dreams, and life was good.
But then, this summer, he had come back into her life, in a way only Johnny could, complicating things all over again. She had stayed with him the week before she left for Colorado, and gave him every opportunity to ask her to stay, but once again he had let her go, without saying anything. She wondered if the thought had ever even crossed his mind.
He was back at work where he belonged, his nightmares pretty much over, his friendship with Roy restored, and she was headed for her new job in the Rocky Mountains. It was what they both said they wanted, but she knew she would give it all up in a heartbeat.
All he ever needed to do, was ask.
Worse yet, she had turned into a mushy sentimentalist, listening to sad love songs, and dreaming of things that weren’t meant to be.
Yeah, I’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
* * * * * * * *
“Good mornin’, good mornin’ everyone!” Johnny strode into the room with a smile on his face, giving Chet a hearty slap on the back as he walked by on his way to the coffee pot.
“Ow, Gage...,” Chet grimaced, “You’d better hope we don’t have a fire to fight today.... I think you just broke my shoulder -- there’s no way I’m gonna be able to hang onto a hose.” He stood there, rubbing it, to emphasize the pain he wasn’t feeling.
Ignoring Chet, Johnny brought his coffee cup with him and took a seat at the table; rummaging through the newspapers in front of Roy, he helped himself to the sports page. Roy opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and picked up one of the many holiday sale ads that filled the papers.
“Hey, Johnny,” Marco inquired, “you all set for your trip to Colorado?”
Johnny put the paper down, and an excited smile spread across his face. Marco noticed his eyes light up, too. “Yep… picked up my ticket yesterday. I leave on Christmas Eve… my flight gets into the airport about 5:00 in the evening. We’re gonna have dinner and spend the night in Denver, then drive up into the mountains on Christmas morning. There’s a hike we plan to…”
“A hike...? You’re going on a hike...? In the mountains...? In the snow? Gage, are you nuts? Don’t you remember what happened the last time you took a hike?” Chet was genuinely flabbergasted, his feigned pain now forgotten.
Johnny frowned at the uninvited interruption. “I wasn’t talkin’ to you, Chet. Why don’t you go… go… take a hike yourself.”
“Johnny, maybe Chet’s right,” Roy suggested.
Johnny pivoted in his chair to face Roy, with a look of disbelief on his face. “Roy, things like that don’t happen twice. That time… it was just an accident, and I happened to be alone. This time, Shannon’s goin’ with me -- and besides, it’s just a short hike -- we’ll only be gone half a day.”
Johnny was sounding a little indignant, both at the suggestion that he was a danger to himself, and at the fact that Roy actually agreed with something Chet had said.
Roy shrugged his shoulder, and resumed looking at the ads. He supposed Johnny was right. Things like that don’t happen twice. Not to normal people, anyway. Roy realized he’d better change the subject, sensing they were about to ruin Johnny’s good mood.
“So, has everyone finished their Christmas shopping?” Roy asked, looking at the faces around the room, then finally at Johnny.
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
Chet didn’t miss the look of distress on Johnny’s face either.
“So, Gage, what did you get Shannon for Christmas?” Chet asked smugly, setting the trap.
“That’s none of your business, Kelly.” Johnny almost snapped at him, and that was all Chet needed to dig in.
“Gage, don’t tell me.... Let me guess... you haven’t gotten her anything yet, have you?”
“I told you, Kelly, it’s none of your business.” This time the sharpness of his tone caused everyone else in the room to discreetly pay a little closer attention, but Chet didn’t back off.
“Oh, come on Johnny. This is us you’re talkin’ to… we’re the guys, ya’ know… you can tell us. Can’t he, guys?” Chet didn’t bother to give anyone a chance to answer before continuing. “If you haven’t decided on anything, maybe we can help you out. You know, with some suggestions.” Chet’s voice was practically dripping with honey, false sincerity oozing from every pore.
Johnny eyed Chet suspiciously, but fell victim again nonetheless, throwing his hands up in the air in surrender. “All right. Okay. So, I haven’t gotten her anything yet, but I’m workin’ on it. I’m workin’ on it. It has to be just the right thing… so I’m takin’ my time.”
Chet could look so serious when he was jerking Johnny’s chain. “Well, pal, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you’re almost out of time. Christmas is only five shopping days away.”
“I know, I know. It’s just... It's just.” Johnny stopped and looked at Chet, narrowing his eyes, realization setting in that he was being baited. “Wait a minute.... Why am I talkin’ to you about this…? You can’t help. You don’t know anything about women…so just go… wash the dishes or polish the engine, or somethin’, and… leave me alone. I’ll manage to figure it out. On my own. Without any help from you.”
Chet put on his best ‘you’ve-really-hurt-my-feelings’ look, and zeroed in. “I don’t know what’s so hard about it, Gage... why you don’t just buy her a ring, and make an honest woman out of her?”
Chet had unknowingly stepped -- hard -- on a sensitive subject, and before the words were all the way out, he knew he had crossed the line with that last little remark. His comment hung in the air, and the unexpected look of hurt on Johnny’s face made Chet instantly regret opening his mouth, but it was too late to take it back.
Embarrassed, the others tried to pretend they hadn’t heard what Chet said. Johnny just glared darkly at Chet for a few seconds, then slid his chair back, got up, and walked out of the room, leaving behind only an uncomfortable silence.
Roy looked up from the newspaper, his eyes full of admonishment. “Chet, I swear... someday....”
* * * * * * * *
The squad’s first run of the day, shortly after roll call, was canceled before they got halfway there. Roy suggested it would be a good time to go to Rampart for supplies -- hoping that chatting with Dixie would take Johnny’s mind off the conversation in the station this morning. But Johnny managed to disappear while Roy got the supplies, and didn’t reappear until it was time to go.
Of course, Dixie inquired about Johnny’s absence, so Roy filled her in on the problem of the day, but asked her not to say anything, unless Johnny brought it up.
The silence in the cab of the squad on the way back to the station gave Roy time to think about how he was going to manage to put the kids’ new bikes together, without Chris and Jennifer finding them before Christmas morning, when a question drifted his way, interrupting his thoughts.
“What do you think, Roy?”
Roy waited for the rest of the question, but it never came.
“What do I think about what?”
No response.
“Johnny?”
“Huh?”
“You asked me what I think.... What do I think about what?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
Roy started to count to ten, and almost made it there, before Johnny finally finished the question.
“What do you think about what Chet said this morning?”
Roy hoped this conversation wasn’t going where he thought it was going.
“Johnny, Chet said a lot of things this morning, and to be honest with you, I didn’t pay attention to most of them.”
He glanced at Johnny, who was sitting slumped to the side, elbow on the door, chin in hand, staring out the window.
“You know, about me buying Shannon a ring.”
Roy suddenly knew what it felt like to be a trapped animal -- he even briefly considered the pros and cons of jumping out the door while the squad was still moving, rather than having to answer that question.
Johnny immediately picked up on Roy’s reluctance to answer, and sat up straight, turning in the seat to face him.
“Come on, Roy, tell me, what do you think about it?”
“Johnny... I... I really don’t know. It’s not up to me, you know. What do you think?”
“Oh, no you don’t.... Don’t put this back on me.... I asked you first.”
Killing Chet seemed like a pretty good idea to Roy right about now, as his hands clenched the steering wheel, substituting it in his mind for Chet’s throat.
“Okay, Johnny.... I’ll tell you what I think. Just don’t get mad at me if you don’t like my answer, because you’re the one that asked. Okay?”
“Sure. Okay. All right. I won’t get mad.” Johnny was confused. “Why would I get mad? Roy, I just wanna know what you think. It’s not like I’m asking you to tell me what to do. Can’t a guy ask his best friend for a little advice every now and then? You’re the one who’s always saying I never think things through enough before I act, you know.” Johnny’s hands were flying all over the place, punctuating his every remark. “And then when I do ask for your help, you tell me not to get mad. All I said was....”
Roy cut him off, knowing that he was going to have to answer the question sooner or later... and sooner seemed to be the more attractive option at the moment.
“You’re right, Johnny... so here’s what I think… I think that if you have to ask me what I think, then I think maybe you need to think about it some more.” Roy shook his head a little, wondering if he had really just said that. The scary thing was it sounded just like something Johnny would say, but scarier yet, it made perfect sense to him.
Trying to digest that one made Johnny sit back and... think about it.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Johnny finally replied glumly, as he dropped his chin into his hand again. They rode the rest of the way to the station without another word.
* * * * * * * *
Shannon had struggled for weeks, trying to figure out what she wanted to give Johnny for Christmas. She envied him -- she was easy to buy for, and knew he wouldn’t be having this kind of problem. Finding the right gift was proving to be a challenge -- he certainly wasn’t a necktie and cologne kind of guy -- that wasn’t nearly personal enough, anyway. Jewelry didn’t work either… other than a watch, he never wore any. She wanted it to be something really special, something that would express how deeply she cared for him, without saying too much.
Shannon didn’t want him to get the wrong impression, and she didn’t want him to think.... She didn’t know what she wanted Johnny to think. Maybe once she figured that part out herself, coming up with the present wouldn’t be so difficult.
She told her new roommate all about Johnny, and her struggle to come up with an idea. Maggie had been working at the park for a little over a year, and knew the area like the back of her hand, so she immediately suggested that Shannon check out Eagle Plume’s Trading Post, a gallery and store near the park, north of the small town of Allenspark. Maggie assured Shannon that even if she didn’t find the perfect present there, she would still have a good time looking at all the unique things the trading post had for sale.
Unique didn’t begin to describe all that she discovered that day.
Her thoughts were centered on a certain paramedic in LA as she drove along the small highway, causing Shannon to almost miss the trading post. Half-expecting to come upon a flashy roadside tourist trap, she found instead a rather unassuming building, plain on the outside, built of rough-hewn log planks stained a dull, dark brown. She pulled into the parking lot and got out of her truck, a little disappointed, thinking that this didn’t look at all unique, but once she stepped inside, she understood what Maggie was talking about.
The gallery rooms were brimming with hundreds of Indian artifacts that lined the shelves of the open cabinets and glass cases. Pottery in all shapes and sizes, and handwoven baskets sat in groupings on the floor, while paintings and ceremonial masks and headdresses decorated the walls. The whole place was packed with so many fascinating things, that Shannon thought she could spend hours here and still not see all there was to see.
Knowing little about Indian customs and beliefs, she could nonetheless feel the powerful draw of the history and culture that surrounded her. It made her wonder about Johnny’s past.... She recalled seeing little things in his apartment that she knew were a reminder of his heritage, but that was a part of his life that he seldom spoke of... not because he chose to deny it, though, he seemed proud of who he was.... It was more like his childhood was a closed book, one that even he rarely opened.
A brightly-colored woven blanket draped over a chair across the room caught her eye, and she thought it would be the perfect thing to brighten the old, rather drab sofa in their living room. She imagined laying on the couch, snuggling under the blanket in front of the fireplace on a cold winter’s night -- with Johnny of course. She hadn’t been able to get him off her mind lately. Maybe it was his upcoming visit, maybe it was the Christmas present -- whatever it was, she was having a hard time concentrating on anything else.
They had known each other for a long time and been through a lot together, but being here somehow awakened Shannon to the fact that there was a part of him she didn’t know at all. He never talked much about where he grew up or about his family, and it occurred to her that she had never really asked him about it either, which seemed really odd now that she thought about it. Maybe she had sensed the subject was off-limits... or maybe he thought she wasn’t interested.
She decided she would have to ask if the blanket was for sale before she left, as she reminded herself why she was here, and began her search of the store from one end to the other. The man behind the counter watched her closely with a curious smile on his face, as she picked up one thing after another, replacing it, and moving on. There were many things that she knew Johnny would like, but she wanted a keepsake, something that would always remind him of her. Shannon could feel there was something special here that was hers to give to him... a gift from her heart that would speak her thoughts... so she kept looking, hoping for some divine inspiration.
It came in the form of the owner of the trading post, Charles Eagle Plume.
She had reminded him of someone he knew long ago, a a pretty girl with laughing eyes and a warm, loving heart. He closed his eyes for a moment as the memory settled over him like a beautiful dream. Charles watched her for a while longer, then seeing her look of hopeless frustration, decided it was time he offered his help.
“Excuse me,” he started, “My name is Charles, and I couldn’t help notice that you’ve been here for quite a while, and was wondering if there was anything I could help you find, or a question I could answer?”
Shannon looked into the face of the man who had come up beside her. He looked to be in his 60’s and had warm brown eyes that sparkled when he smiled.
“Well, I do seem to have a problem,” she admitted, “and I was hoping maybe somebody could help me find what I’m looking for.”
“Little lady, if I can’t help you, I doubt anyone can. This store is filled with hidden treasures... you just have to know where to look.... And no one knows where to look better than I do.” He bowed slightly, and offered his arm to her.
Shannon was instantly captivated by his charming manner as he escorted her around the store. As they walked and talked, he pointed out things she realized she had overlooked when she first wandered through. He answered her many intelligent questions, and was pleased at her geniune interest in understanding the things she was looking at.
Charles found himself drawn to her in a way that was difficult to explain. He felt a connection, like their paths had crossed briefly once, maybe in another life, and he wanted to know more about her and why she was here.
Hoping she wouldn’t mind answering some personal questions, he asked, “Shannon, I haven’t seen you in here before. Do you live in the area, or are you just passing through on your way to somewhere else?”
The question made her smile. “In a way, I’m doing both, I guess. I just moved here a few months ago from California. I work for the National Park Service as a ranger. I spent the last two years working in Yosemite, and now I’m working at the Park here for a while, but I suppose I’ll move on to somewhere else in a year or two.”
“I’ve been to Yosemite several times... it’s a beautiful place, full of powerful images that inspire great emotions.” Charles gestured toward the window, “But there’s something magical about the Rocky Mountains, and if you stay here long enough, you’ll discover it for yourself, and you just might find that you’ll never want to leave.”
She had already experienced the lure of the mountains while hiking the many trails in her free time, but putting down roots here wasn’t on her agenda. “Oh, I don’t know,” she answered, “It’s really beautiful here, but all my life I’ve wanted to travel and see other parts of the country, and meet new people. Someday, though, when I’ve seen everything I want to see.... maybe when I’m older and wiser, I’d like to go back home and spend the rest of my life there.”
"Will To Survive"
“Featuring Challenge 14”
BY
Nan M
It wasn’t really sad, the way they said good-bye,
Or... maybe it just hurt so bad, she couldn’t cry.
He packed his things, walked out the door, and drove away,
And she became the girl from yesterday.
He took a plane across the sea, to some foreign land,
She stayed at home and tried so hard to understand.
How someone who had been so close, could be so far away,
And she became the girl from yesterday.
She doesn’t know what’s right, she doesn’t know what’s wrong,
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for so long.
And she doesn’t count the teardrops, that she’s cried while he’s away,
Because she knows deep in her heart that he’ll be back someday.
The light’s on in the window, she’s waiting by the phone,
Talking to a memory, that’s never comin’ home.
She dreams of his returning, and the things that he might say,
But, she’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
Yeah, she’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
* * * * * * * *
Shannon sighed as she listened to the song for the hundredth time. It wasn’t exactly the way it had been. He hadn’t taken a plane to a foreign land, although some people thought LA qualified as one, and she wasn’t the type to stay at home and sit by the phone. But the rest of it... well, the rest of it pretty much summed up how hard it had been when Johnny left the first time. Oh, sure, it was a mutual decision.... But it had still broken her heart when she watched him drive away. She had done a good job of convincing him, and herself, that he was giving her the freedom she wanted to go her own way and pursue her own dreams.
It had been awkward at first, but they remained close friends, and she had moved on with her life, and he with his, just as they agreed. They were both doing what they loved, and were living their dreams, and life was good.
But then, this summer, he had come back into her life, in a way only Johnny could, complicating things all over again. She had stayed with him the week before she left for Colorado, and gave him every opportunity to ask her to stay, but once again he had let her go, without saying anything. She wondered if the thought had ever even crossed his mind.
He was back at work where he belonged, his nightmares pretty much over, his friendship with Roy restored, and she was headed for her new job in the Rocky Mountains. It was what they both said they wanted, but she knew she would give it all up in a heartbeat.
All he ever needed to do, was ask.
Worse yet, she had turned into a mushy sentimentalist, listening to sad love songs, and dreaming of things that weren’t meant to be.
Yeah, I’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
* * * * * * * *
“Good mornin’, good mornin’ everyone!” Johnny strode into the room with a smile on his face, giving Chet a hearty slap on the back as he walked by on his way to the coffee pot.
“Ow, Gage...,” Chet grimaced, “You’d better hope we don’t have a fire to fight today.... I think you just broke my shoulder -- there’s no way I’m gonna be able to hang onto a hose.” He stood there, rubbing it, to emphasize the pain he wasn’t feeling.
Ignoring Chet, Johnny brought his coffee cup with him and took a seat at the table; rummaging through the newspapers in front of Roy, he helped himself to the sports page. Roy opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and picked up one of the many holiday sale ads that filled the papers.
“Hey, Johnny,” Marco inquired, “you all set for your trip to Colorado?”
Johnny put the paper down, and an excited smile spread across his face. Marco noticed his eyes light up, too. “Yep… picked up my ticket yesterday. I leave on Christmas Eve… my flight gets into the airport about 5:00 in the evening. We’re gonna have dinner and spend the night in Denver, then drive up into the mountains on Christmas morning. There’s a hike we plan to…”
“A hike...? You’re going on a hike...? In the mountains...? In the snow? Gage, are you nuts? Don’t you remember what happened the last time you took a hike?” Chet was genuinely flabbergasted, his feigned pain now forgotten.
Johnny frowned at the uninvited interruption. “I wasn’t talkin’ to you, Chet. Why don’t you go… go… take a hike yourself.”
“Johnny, maybe Chet’s right,” Roy suggested.
Johnny pivoted in his chair to face Roy, with a look of disbelief on his face. “Roy, things like that don’t happen twice. That time… it was just an accident, and I happened to be alone. This time, Shannon’s goin’ with me -- and besides, it’s just a short hike -- we’ll only be gone half a day.”
Johnny was sounding a little indignant, both at the suggestion that he was a danger to himself, and at the fact that Roy actually agreed with something Chet had said.
Roy shrugged his shoulder, and resumed looking at the ads. He supposed Johnny was right. Things like that don’t happen twice. Not to normal people, anyway. Roy realized he’d better change the subject, sensing they were about to ruin Johnny’s good mood.
“So, has everyone finished their Christmas shopping?” Roy asked, looking at the faces around the room, then finally at Johnny.
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
Chet didn’t miss the look of distress on Johnny’s face either.
“So, Gage, what did you get Shannon for Christmas?” Chet asked smugly, setting the trap.
“That’s none of your business, Kelly.” Johnny almost snapped at him, and that was all Chet needed to dig in.
“Gage, don’t tell me.... Let me guess... you haven’t gotten her anything yet, have you?”
“I told you, Kelly, it’s none of your business.” This time the sharpness of his tone caused everyone else in the room to discreetly pay a little closer attention, but Chet didn’t back off.
“Oh, come on Johnny. This is us you’re talkin’ to… we’re the guys, ya’ know… you can tell us. Can’t he, guys?” Chet didn’t bother to give anyone a chance to answer before continuing. “If you haven’t decided on anything, maybe we can help you out. You know, with some suggestions.” Chet’s voice was practically dripping with honey, false sincerity oozing from every pore.
Johnny eyed Chet suspiciously, but fell victim again nonetheless, throwing his hands up in the air in surrender. “All right. Okay. So, I haven’t gotten her anything yet, but I’m workin’ on it. I’m workin’ on it. It has to be just the right thing… so I’m takin’ my time.”
Chet could look so serious when he was jerking Johnny’s chain. “Well, pal, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you’re almost out of time. Christmas is only five shopping days away.”
“I know, I know. It’s just... It's just.” Johnny stopped and looked at Chet, narrowing his eyes, realization setting in that he was being baited. “Wait a minute.... Why am I talkin’ to you about this…? You can’t help. You don’t know anything about women…so just go… wash the dishes or polish the engine, or somethin’, and… leave me alone. I’ll manage to figure it out. On my own. Without any help from you.”
Chet put on his best ‘you’ve-really-hurt-my-feelings’ look, and zeroed in. “I don’t know what’s so hard about it, Gage... why you don’t just buy her a ring, and make an honest woman out of her?”
Chet had unknowingly stepped -- hard -- on a sensitive subject, and before the words were all the way out, he knew he had crossed the line with that last little remark. His comment hung in the air, and the unexpected look of hurt on Johnny’s face made Chet instantly regret opening his mouth, but it was too late to take it back.
Embarrassed, the others tried to pretend they hadn’t heard what Chet said. Johnny just glared darkly at Chet for a few seconds, then slid his chair back, got up, and walked out of the room, leaving behind only an uncomfortable silence.
Roy looked up from the newspaper, his eyes full of admonishment. “Chet, I swear... someday....”
* * * * * * * *
The squad’s first run of the day, shortly after roll call, was canceled before they got halfway there. Roy suggested it would be a good time to go to Rampart for supplies -- hoping that chatting with Dixie would take Johnny’s mind off the conversation in the station this morning. But Johnny managed to disappear while Roy got the supplies, and didn’t reappear until it was time to go.
Of course, Dixie inquired about Johnny’s absence, so Roy filled her in on the problem of the day, but asked her not to say anything, unless Johnny brought it up.
The silence in the cab of the squad on the way back to the station gave Roy time to think about how he was going to manage to put the kids’ new bikes together, without Chris and Jennifer finding them before Christmas morning, when a question drifted his way, interrupting his thoughts.
“What do you think, Roy?”
Roy waited for the rest of the question, but it never came.
“What do I think about what?”
No response.
“Johnny?”
“Huh?”
“You asked me what I think.... What do I think about what?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
Roy started to count to ten, and almost made it there, before Johnny finally finished the question.
“What do you think about what Chet said this morning?”
Roy hoped this conversation wasn’t going where he thought it was going.
“Johnny, Chet said a lot of things this morning, and to be honest with you, I didn’t pay attention to most of them.”
He glanced at Johnny, who was sitting slumped to the side, elbow on the door, chin in hand, staring out the window.
“You know, about me buying Shannon a ring.”
Roy suddenly knew what it felt like to be a trapped animal -- he even briefly considered the pros and cons of jumping out the door while the squad was still moving, rather than having to answer that question.
Johnny immediately picked up on Roy’s reluctance to answer, and sat up straight, turning in the seat to face him.
“Come on, Roy, tell me, what do you think about it?”
“Johnny... I... I really don’t know. It’s not up to me, you know. What do you think?”
“Oh, no you don’t.... Don’t put this back on me.... I asked you first.”
Killing Chet seemed like a pretty good idea to Roy right about now, as his hands clenched the steering wheel, substituting it in his mind for Chet’s throat.
“Okay, Johnny.... I’ll tell you what I think. Just don’t get mad at me if you don’t like my answer, because you’re the one that asked. Okay?”
“Sure. Okay. All right. I won’t get mad.” Johnny was confused. “Why would I get mad? Roy, I just wanna know what you think. It’s not like I’m asking you to tell me what to do. Can’t a guy ask his best friend for a little advice every now and then? You’re the one who’s always saying I never think things through enough before I act, you know.” Johnny’s hands were flying all over the place, punctuating his every remark. “And then when I do ask for your help, you tell me not to get mad. All I said was....”
Roy cut him off, knowing that he was going to have to answer the question sooner or later... and sooner seemed to be the more attractive option at the moment.
“You’re right, Johnny... so here’s what I think… I think that if you have to ask me what I think, then I think maybe you need to think about it some more.” Roy shook his head a little, wondering if he had really just said that. The scary thing was it sounded just like something Johnny would say, but scarier yet, it made perfect sense to him.
Trying to digest that one made Johnny sit back and... think about it.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Johnny finally replied glumly, as he dropped his chin into his hand again. They rode the rest of the way to the station without another word.
* * * * * * * *
Shannon had struggled for weeks, trying to figure out what she wanted to give Johnny for Christmas. She envied him -- she was easy to buy for, and knew he wouldn’t be having this kind of problem. Finding the right gift was proving to be a challenge -- he certainly wasn’t a necktie and cologne kind of guy -- that wasn’t nearly personal enough, anyway. Jewelry didn’t work either… other than a watch, he never wore any. She wanted it to be something really special, something that would express how deeply she cared for him, without saying too much.
Shannon didn’t want him to get the wrong impression, and she didn’t want him to think.... She didn’t know what she wanted Johnny to think. Maybe once she figured that part out herself, coming up with the present wouldn’t be so difficult.
She told her new roommate all about Johnny, and her struggle to come up with an idea. Maggie had been working at the park for a little over a year, and knew the area like the back of her hand, so she immediately suggested that Shannon check out Eagle Plume’s Trading Post, a gallery and store near the park, north of the small town of Allenspark. Maggie assured Shannon that even if she didn’t find the perfect present there, she would still have a good time looking at all the unique things the trading post had for sale.
Unique didn’t begin to describe all that she discovered that day.
Her thoughts were centered on a certain paramedic in LA as she drove along the small highway, causing Shannon to almost miss the trading post. Half-expecting to come upon a flashy roadside tourist trap, she found instead a rather unassuming building, plain on the outside, built of rough-hewn log planks stained a dull, dark brown. She pulled into the parking lot and got out of her truck, a little disappointed, thinking that this didn’t look at all unique, but once she stepped inside, she understood what Maggie was talking about.
The gallery rooms were brimming with hundreds of Indian artifacts that lined the shelves of the open cabinets and glass cases. Pottery in all shapes and sizes, and handwoven baskets sat in groupings on the floor, while paintings and ceremonial masks and headdresses decorated the walls. The whole place was packed with so many fascinating things, that Shannon thought she could spend hours here and still not see all there was to see.
Knowing little about Indian customs and beliefs, she could nonetheless feel the powerful draw of the history and culture that surrounded her. It made her wonder about Johnny’s past.... She recalled seeing little things in his apartment that she knew were a reminder of his heritage, but that was a part of his life that he seldom spoke of... not because he chose to deny it, though, he seemed proud of who he was.... It was more like his childhood was a closed book, one that even he rarely opened.
A brightly-colored woven blanket draped over a chair across the room caught her eye, and she thought it would be the perfect thing to brighten the old, rather drab sofa in their living room. She imagined laying on the couch, snuggling under the blanket in front of the fireplace on a cold winter’s night -- with Johnny of course. She hadn’t been able to get him off her mind lately. Maybe it was his upcoming visit, maybe it was the Christmas present -- whatever it was, she was having a hard time concentrating on anything else.
They had known each other for a long time and been through a lot together, but being here somehow awakened Shannon to the fact that there was a part of him she didn’t know at all. He never talked much about where he grew up or about his family, and it occurred to her that she had never really asked him about it either, which seemed really odd now that she thought about it. Maybe she had sensed the subject was off-limits... or maybe he thought she wasn’t interested.
She decided she would have to ask if the blanket was for sale before she left, as she reminded herself why she was here, and began her search of the store from one end to the other. The man behind the counter watched her closely with a curious smile on his face, as she picked up one thing after another, replacing it, and moving on. There were many things that she knew Johnny would like, but she wanted a keepsake, something that would always remind him of her. Shannon could feel there was something special here that was hers to give to him... a gift from her heart that would speak her thoughts... so she kept looking, hoping for some divine inspiration.
It came in the form of the owner of the trading post, Charles Eagle Plume.
She had reminded him of someone he knew long ago, a a pretty girl with laughing eyes and a warm, loving heart. He closed his eyes for a moment as the memory settled over him like a beautiful dream. Charles watched her for a while longer, then seeing her look of hopeless frustration, decided it was time he offered his help.
“Excuse me,” he started, “My name is Charles, and I couldn’t help notice that you’ve been here for quite a while, and was wondering if there was anything I could help you find, or a question I could answer?”
Shannon looked into the face of the man who had come up beside her. He looked to be in his 60’s and had warm brown eyes that sparkled when he smiled.
“Well, I do seem to have a problem,” she admitted, “and I was hoping maybe somebody could help me find what I’m looking for.”
“Little lady, if I can’t help you, I doubt anyone can. This store is filled with hidden treasures... you just have to know where to look.... And no one knows where to look better than I do.” He bowed slightly, and offered his arm to her.
Shannon was instantly captivated by his charming manner as he escorted her around the store. As they walked and talked, he pointed out things she realized she had overlooked when she first wandered through. He answered her many intelligent questions, and was pleased at her geniune interest in understanding the things she was looking at.
Charles found himself drawn to her in a way that was difficult to explain. He felt a connection, like their paths had crossed briefly once, maybe in another life, and he wanted to know more about her and why she was here.
Hoping she wouldn’t mind answering some personal questions, he asked, “Shannon, I haven’t seen you in here before. Do you live in the area, or are you just passing through on your way to somewhere else?”
The question made her smile. “In a way, I’m doing both, I guess. I just moved here a few months ago from California. I work for the National Park Service as a ranger. I spent the last two years working in Yosemite, and now I’m working at the Park here for a while, but I suppose I’ll move on to somewhere else in a year or two.”
“I’ve been to Yosemite several times... it’s a beautiful place, full of powerful images that inspire great emotions.” Charles gestured toward the window, “But there’s something magical about the Rocky Mountains, and if you stay here long enough, you’ll discover it for yourself, and you just might find that you’ll never want to leave.”
She had already experienced the lure of the mountains while hiking the many trails in her free time, but putting down roots here wasn’t on her agenda. “Oh, I don’t know,” she answered, “It’s really beautiful here, but all my life I’ve wanted to travel and see other parts of the country, and meet new people. Someday, though, when I’ve seen everything I want to see.... maybe when I’m older and wiser, I’d like to go back home and spend the rest of my life there.”
Nan M
Or... maybe it just hurt so bad, she couldn’t cry.
He packed his things, walked out the door, and drove away,
And she became the girl from yesterday.
He took a plane across the sea, to some foreign land,
She stayed at home and tried so hard to understand.
How someone who had been so close, could be so far away,
And she became the girl from yesterday.
She doesn’t know what’s right, she doesn’t know what’s wrong,
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for so long.
And she doesn’t count the teardrops, that she’s cried while he’s away,
Because she knows deep in her heart that he’ll be back someday.
The light’s on in the window, she’s waiting by the phone,
Talking to a memory, that’s never comin’ home.
She dreams of his returning, and the things that he might say,
But, she’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
Yeah, she’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
* * * * * * * *
Shannon sighed as she listened to the song for the hundredth time. It wasn’t exactly the way it had been. He hadn’t taken a plane to a foreign land, although some people thought LA qualified as one, and she wasn’t the type to stay at home and sit by the phone. But the rest of it... well, the rest of it pretty much summed up how hard it had been when Johnny left the first time. Oh, sure, it was a mutual decision.... But it had still broken her heart when she watched him drive away. She had done a good job of convincing him, and herself, that he was giving her the freedom she wanted to go her own way and pursue her own dreams.
It had been awkward at first, but they remained close friends, and she had moved on with her life, and he with his, just as they agreed. They were both doing what they loved, and were living their dreams, and life was good.
But then, this summer, he had come back into her life, in a way only Johnny could, complicating things all over again. She had stayed with him the week before she left for Colorado, and gave him every opportunity to ask her to stay, but once again he had let her go, without saying anything. She wondered if the thought had ever even crossed his mind.
He was back at work where he belonged, his nightmares pretty much over, his friendship with Roy restored, and she was headed for her new job in the Rocky Mountains. It was what they both said they wanted, but she knew she would give it all up in a heartbeat.
All he ever needed to do, was ask.
Worse yet, she had turned into a mushy sentimentalist, listening to sad love songs, and dreaming of things that weren’t meant to be.
Yeah, I’ll always be the girl from yesterday.
* * * * * * * *
“Good mornin’, good mornin’ everyone!” Johnny strode into the room with a smile on his face, giving Chet a hearty slap on the back as he walked by on his way to the coffee pot.
“Ow, Gage...,” Chet grimaced, “You’d better hope we don’t have a fire to fight today.... I think you just broke my shoulder -- there’s no way I’m gonna be able to hang onto a hose.” He stood there, rubbing it, to emphasize the pain he wasn’t feeling.
Ignoring Chet, Johnny brought his coffee cup with him and took a seat at the table; rummaging through the newspapers in front of Roy, he helped himself to the sports page. Roy opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and picked up one of the many holiday sale ads that filled the papers.
“Hey, Johnny,” Marco inquired, “you all set for your trip to Colorado?”
Johnny put the paper down, and an excited smile spread across his face. Marco noticed his eyes light up, too. “Yep… picked up my ticket yesterday. I leave on Christmas Eve… my flight gets into the airport about 5:00 in the evening. We’re gonna have dinner and spend the night in Denver, then drive up into the mountains on Christmas morning. There’s a hike we plan to…”
“A hike...? You’re going on a hike...? In the mountains...? In the snow? Gage, are you nuts? Don’t you remember what happened the last time you took a hike?” Chet was genuinely flabbergasted, his feigned pain now forgotten.
Johnny frowned at the uninvited interruption. “I wasn’t talkin’ to you, Chet. Why don’t you go… go… take a hike yourself.”
“Johnny, maybe Chet’s right,” Roy suggested.
Johnny pivoted in his chair to face Roy, with a look of disbelief on his face. “Roy, things like that don’t happen twice. That time… it was just an accident, and I happened to be alone. This time, Shannon’s goin’ with me -- and besides, it’s just a short hike -- we’ll only be gone half a day.”
Johnny was sounding a little indignant, both at the suggestion that he was a danger to himself, and at the fact that Roy actually agreed with something Chet had said.
Roy shrugged his shoulder, and resumed looking at the ads. He supposed Johnny was right. Things like that don’t happen twice. Not to normal people, anyway. Roy realized he’d better change the subject, sensing they were about to ruin Johnny’s good mood.
“So, has everyone finished their Christmas shopping?” Roy asked, looking at the faces around the room, then finally at Johnny.
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
Chet didn’t miss the look of distress on Johnny’s face either.
“So, Gage, what did you get Shannon for Christmas?” Chet asked smugly, setting the trap.
“That’s none of your business, Kelly.” Johnny almost snapped at him, and that was all Chet needed to dig in.
“Gage, don’t tell me.... Let me guess... you haven’t gotten her anything yet, have you?”
“I told you, Kelly, it’s none of your business.” This time the sharpness of his tone caused everyone else in the room to discreetly pay a little closer attention, but Chet didn’t back off.
“Oh, come on Johnny. This is us you’re talkin’ to… we’re the guys, ya’ know… you can tell us. Can’t he, guys?” Chet didn’t bother to give anyone a chance to answer before continuing. “If you haven’t decided on anything, maybe we can help you out. You know, with some suggestions.” Chet’s voice was practically dripping with honey, false sincerity oozing from every pore.
Johnny eyed Chet suspiciously, but fell victim again nonetheless, throwing his hands up in the air in surrender. “All right. Okay. So, I haven’t gotten her anything yet, but I’m workin’ on it. I’m workin’ on it. It has to be just the right thing… so I’m takin’ my time.”
Chet could look so serious when he was jerking Johnny’s chain. “Well, pal, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you’re almost out of time. Christmas is only five shopping days away.”
“I know, I know. It’s just... It's just.” Johnny stopped and looked at Chet, narrowing his eyes, realization setting in that he was being baited. “Wait a minute.... Why am I talkin’ to you about this…? You can’t help. You don’t know anything about women…so just go… wash the dishes or polish the engine, or somethin’, and… leave me alone. I’ll manage to figure it out. On my own. Without any help from you.”
Chet put on his best ‘you’ve-really-hurt-my-feelings’ look, and zeroed in. “I don’t know what’s so hard about it, Gage... why you don’t just buy her a ring, and make an honest woman out of her?”
Chet had unknowingly stepped -- hard -- on a sensitive subject, and before the words were all the way out, he knew he had crossed the line with that last little remark. His comment hung in the air, and the unexpected look of hurt on Johnny’s face made Chet instantly regret opening his mouth, but it was too late to take it back.
Embarrassed, the others tried to pretend they hadn’t heard what Chet said. Johnny just glared darkly at Chet for a few seconds, then slid his chair back, got up, and walked out of the room, leaving behind only an uncomfortable silence.
Roy looked up from the newspaper, his eyes full of admonishment. “Chet, I swear... someday....”
* * * * * * * *
The squad’s first run of the day, shortly after roll call, was canceled before they got halfway there. Roy suggested it would be a good time to go to Rampart for supplies -- hoping that chatting with Dixie would take Johnny’s mind off the conversation in the station this morning. But Johnny managed to disappear while Roy got the supplies, and didn’t reappear until it was time to go.
Of course, Dixie inquired about Johnny’s absence, so Roy filled her in on the problem of the day, but asked her not to say anything, unless Johnny brought it up.
The silence in the cab of the squad on the way back to the station gave Roy time to think about how he was going to manage to put the kids’ new bikes together, without Chris and Jennifer finding them before Christmas morning, when a question drifted his way, interrupting his thoughts.
“What do you think, Roy?”
Roy waited for the rest of the question, but it never came.
“What do I think about what?”
No response.
“Johnny?”
“Huh?”
“You asked me what I think.... What do I think about what?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
Roy started to count to ten, and almost made it there, before Johnny finally finished the question.
“What do you think about what Chet said this morning?”
Roy hoped this conversation wasn’t going where he thought it was going.
“Johnny, Chet said a lot of things this morning, and to be honest with you, I didn’t pay attention to most of them.”
He glanced at Johnny, who was sitting slumped to the side, elbow on the door, chin in hand, staring out the window.
“You know, about me buying Shannon a ring.”
Roy suddenly knew what it felt like to be a trapped animal -- he even briefly considered the pros and cons of jumping out the door while the squad was still moving, rather than having to answer that question.
Johnny immediately picked up on Roy’s reluctance to answer, and sat up straight, turning in the seat to face him.
“Come on, Roy, tell me, what do you think about it?”
“Johnny... I... I really don’t know. It’s not up to me, you know. What do you think?”
“Oh, no you don’t.... Don’t put this back on me.... I asked you first.”
Killing Chet seemed like a pretty good idea to Roy right about now, as his hands clenched the steering wheel, substituting it in his mind for Chet’s throat.
“Okay, Johnny.... I’ll tell you what I think. Just don’t get mad at me if you don’t like my answer, because you’re the one that asked. Okay?”
“Sure. Okay. All right. I won’t get mad.” Johnny was confused. “Why would I get mad? Roy, I just wanna know what you think. It’s not like I’m asking you to tell me what to do. Can’t a guy ask his best friend for a little advice every now and then? You’re the one who’s always saying I never think things through enough before I act, you know.” Johnny’s hands were flying all over the place, punctuating his every remark. “And then when I do ask for your help, you tell me not to get mad. All I said was....”
Roy cut him off, knowing that he was going to have to answer the question sooner or later... and sooner seemed to be the more attractive option at the moment.
“You’re right, Johnny... so here’s what I think… I think that if you have to ask me what I think, then I think maybe you need to think about it some more.” Roy shook his head a little, wondering if he had really just said that. The scary thing was it sounded just like something Johnny would say, but scarier yet, it made perfect sense to him.
Trying to digest that one made Johnny sit back and... think about it.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Johnny finally replied glumly, as he dropped his chin into his hand again. They rode the rest of the way to the station without another word.
* * * * * * * *
Shannon had struggled for weeks, trying to figure out what she wanted to give Johnny for Christmas. She envied him -- she was easy to buy for, and knew he wouldn’t be having this kind of problem. Finding the right gift was proving to be a challenge -- he certainly wasn’t a necktie and cologne kind of guy -- that wasn’t nearly personal enough, anyway. Jewelry didn’t work either… other than a watch, he never wore any. She wanted it to be something really special, something that would express how deeply she cared for him, without saying too much.
Shannon didn’t want him to get the wrong impression, and she didn’t want him to think.... She didn’t know what she wanted Johnny to think. Maybe once she figured that part out herself, coming up with the present wouldn’t be so difficult.
She told her new roommate all about Johnny, and her struggle to come up with an idea. Maggie had been working at the park for a little over a year, and knew the area like the back of her hand, so she immediately suggested that Shannon check out Eagle Plume’s Trading Post, a gallery and store near the park, north of the small town of Allenspark. Maggie assured Shannon that even if she didn’t find the perfect present there, she would still have a good time looking at all the unique things the trading post had for sale.
Unique didn’t begin to describe all that she discovered that day.
Her thoughts were centered on a certain paramedic in LA as she drove along the small highway, causing Shannon to almost miss the trading post. Half-expecting to come upon a flashy roadside tourist trap, she found instead a rather unassuming building, plain on the outside, built of rough-hewn log planks stained a dull, dark brown. She pulled into the parking lot and got out of her truck, a little disappointed, thinking that this didn’t look at all unique, but once she stepped inside, she understood what Maggie was talking about.
The gallery rooms were brimming with hundreds of Indian artifacts that lined the shelves of the open cabinets and glass cases. Pottery in all shapes and sizes, and handwoven baskets sat in groupings on the floor, while paintings and ceremonial masks and headdresses decorated the walls. The whole place was packed with so many fascinating things, that Shannon thought she could spend hours here and still not see all there was to see.
Knowing little about Indian customs and beliefs, she could nonetheless feel the powerful draw of the history and culture that surrounded her. It made her wonder about Johnny’s past.... She recalled seeing little things in his apartment that she knew were a reminder of his heritage, but that was a part of his life that he seldom spoke of... not because he chose to deny it, though, he seemed proud of who he was.... It was more like his childhood was a closed book, one that even he rarely opened.
A brightly-colored woven blanket draped over a chair across the room caught her eye, and she thought it would be the perfect thing to brighten the old, rather drab sofa in their living room. She imagined laying on the couch, snuggling under the blanket in front of the fireplace on a cold winter’s night -- with Johnny of course. She hadn’t been able to get him off her mind lately. Maybe it was his upcoming visit, maybe it was the Christmas present -- whatever it was, she was having a hard time concentrating on anything else.
They had known each other for a long time and been through a lot together, but being here somehow awakened Shannon to the fact that there was a part of him she didn’t know at all. He never talked much about where he grew up or about his family, and it occurred to her that she had never really asked him about it either, which seemed really odd now that she thought about it. Maybe she had sensed the subject was off-limits... or maybe he thought she wasn’t interested.
She decided she would have to ask if the blanket was for sale before she left, as she reminded herself why she was here, and began her search of the store from one end to the other. The man behind the counter watched her closely with a curious smile on his face, as she picked up one thing after another, replacing it, and moving on. There were many things that she knew Johnny would like, but she wanted a keepsake, something that would always remind him of her. Shannon could feel there was something special here that was hers to give to him... a gift from her heart that would speak her thoughts... so she kept looking, hoping for some divine inspiration.
It came in the form of the owner of the trading post, Charles Eagle Plume.
She had reminded him of someone he knew long ago, a a pretty girl with laughing eyes and a warm, loving heart. He closed his eyes for a moment as the memory settled over him like a beautiful dream. Charles watched her for a while longer, then seeing her look of hopeless frustration, decided it was time he offered his help.
“Excuse me,” he started, “My name is Charles, and I couldn’t help notice that you’ve been here for quite a while, and was wondering if there was anything I could help you find, or a question I could answer?”
Shannon looked into the face of the man who had come up beside her. He looked to be in his 60’s and had warm brown eyes that sparkled when he smiled.
“Well, I do seem to have a problem,” she admitted, “and I was hoping maybe somebody could help me find what I’m looking for.”
“Little lady, if I can’t help you, I doubt anyone can. This store is filled with hidden treasures... you just have to know where to look.... And no one knows where to look better than I do.” He bowed slightly, and offered his arm to her.
Shannon was instantly captivated by his charming manner as he escorted her around the store. As they walked and talked, he pointed out things she realized she had overlooked when she first wandered through. He answered her many intelligent questions, and was pleased at her geniune interest in understanding the things she was looking at.
Charles found himself drawn to her in a way that was difficult to explain. He felt a connection, like their paths had crossed briefly once, maybe in another life, and he wanted to know more about her and why she was here.
Hoping she wouldn’t mind answering some personal questions, he asked, “Shannon, I haven’t seen you in here before. Do you live in the area, or are you just passing through on your way to somewhere else?”
The question made her smile. “In a way, I’m doing both, I guess. I just moved here a few months ago from California. I work for the National Park Service as a ranger. I spent the last two years working in Yosemite, and now I’m working at the Park here for a while, but I suppose I’ll move on to somewhere else in a year or two.”
“I’ve been to Yosemite several times... it’s a beautiful place, full of powerful images that inspire great emotions.” Charles gestured toward the window, “But there’s something magical about the Rocky Mountains, and if you stay here long enough, you’ll discover it for yourself, and you just might find that you’ll never want to leave.”
She had already experienced the lure of the mountains while hiking the many trails in her free time, but putting down roots here wasn’t on her agenda. “Oh, I don’t know,” she answered, “It’s really beautiful here, but all my life I’ve wanted to travel and see other parts of the country, and meet new people. Someday, though, when I’ve seen everything I want to see.... maybe when I’m older and wiser, I’d like to go back home and spend the rest of my life there.”
She only knows the pain that comes from waiting for so long.
And she doesn’t count the teardrops, that she’s cried while he’s away,
Because she knows deep in her heart that he’ll be back someday.