"REUNION"

      BY Kathy Bell

      Saturday, August 14, 1999

      Johnny glanced up in surprise as the young, attractive woman dropped herself into the seat next to his with a sigh. He set aside his magazine and folded his reading glasses closed, placing them in his shirt pocket.

      “I sure hope no one rings his call bell for at least 20 minutes,” the woman stated, softly. It was an unprofessional comment and she didn’t want anyone other than the older man to overhear her.

      Matching her tone, Johnny responded sotto voce, “How about this? If anyone rings their call bell, I’ll answer it? Deal?”

      The young woman smiled in gratitude, even though they both knew she could never take him up on his offer. Her eyes were alight with amusement.

      Straightening her uniform skirt, she asked, ”You’re a little early this time, aren’t you, John? Has it been two weeks already?”

      Johnny grimaced slightly and shook his head. “No, not two weeks yet, Sarah. You’re right.”

      Sarah smiled a professional smile, but inquired with genuine interest. “Going to visit your friend’s wife again?”

      Shaking his head, Johnny sighed. “No.”

      He was quiet a long moment, as Sarah glanced at him, a little puzzled.

      “No,” he repeated slowly. “She died last night; well, really it was early this morning. I’m going down to help with the arrangements.” Johnny’s eyes clouded over briefly with sorrow.

      “Oh, John,” Sarah said, surprised and sad at the same time. John’s friend’s wife had been sick for so long, Sarah had forgotten that eventually she was going to lose her fight.

      “I’m so sorry. And please tell your friend I’m sorry, too.”

      Johnny nodded. “I will. And thanks.”

      They both sat in silence for a moment. Then Sarah glanced at her watch. Only 10 minutes until they were scheduled to start their descent. She needed to walk the aisle one more time.

      “John, we’re about to land. I’ve got to go.”

      Johnny nodded and Sarah briefly squeezed his hand. “I’ll talk to you soon,” she promised. “When are you heading home?”

      Johnny shook his head. “Don’t know yet.”

      He wasn’t leaving LA again until he was sure Roy was going to be OK.

      Johnny watched Sarah get up and navigate down the aisle. He thought about the first time that he’d met Joanne.

      August 28, 1971

      Roy tapped on Johnny’s shoulder again. He glanced back at his wife, then looked back at his partner.

      “Johnny?”

      Johnny, annoyed, turned away from the girl he was chatting with. “Yeah?”

      “Johnny, I’d like you to meet my wife, Joanne.”

      Abashed, Johnny immediately thrust his hand out. “Pleased to meet you, Joanne.”

      As Roy completed the introductions, introducing Joanne to Johnny’s date, Delores, Johnny took a good look at Roy’s wife.

      ‘How did a guy like DeSoto get a chick like that?’ Johnny thought to himself in wonder. A flash of jealousy rushed through him as Joanne slipped her arm around Roy’s waist and pulled him to her side. She obviously adored her husband and she was every inch the proud young wife.

      True, she wasn’t as glamorous as Delores, who was a tall, slender bleached blonde, but Joanne was neatly dressed, with an attractive face. Her dark hair and conservative dress was a strong contrast from Delores, but she was still a very pretty woman.

      Joanne shook Johnny’s hand. Johnny could tell from her statement that he wasn’t making a good impression but it was his birthday and he’d had just enough beer to not really care what DeSoto’s wife thought of him.

      In fact, he’d had enough beer to not care about what DeSoto thought of him.

      This was all so fruitless. The bill wasn’t going to pass. He’d wasted 90 days sweating through Brackett’s training and sarcasm and more practice shots in his arm than he ever wanted to undergo again.

      What a dumb idiot he was to let DeSoto’s impassioned speech convince him. He had to learn to trust his own instincts, even down here in this obsessively hot, crowded city. He knew this paramedic crap was a total waste of time. Why didn’t he listen to his inner voice?

      Johnny remembered what Joanne had told him, months later, about their first meeting:

      “My God,” Joanne thought in consternation. “He’s a child!”

      Joanne’s heart sank. “My husband decided to partner up with a child. How is this kid going to watch Roy’s back?”

      Forcing her mouth into a smile, Joanne responded, “Nice to meet you too, John.”

      “That’s Johnny,” the kid said, with an arrogant grin.

      “Johnny,” Joanne conceded, with a weak smile.

      Johnny sighed to himself, thinking back over the years.

      After he’d shot off his mouth at Brackett, Joanne had refused to talk to him any more. She didn’t even acknowledge him when he said goodbye at the end of the evening. As a matter of fact, Dixie and Delores didn’t talk to him for the balance of the evening, either.

      “Oh well,” he’d thought. “The hell with all of them, especially Brackett.”

      Little had he known what the next quarter of a century would hold.

      *****************

      Marco’s head bobbed about as he scanned the deplaning passengers from the Sacramento flight. ‘Johnny’s pretty tall,’ he thought to himself. ‘He shouldn’t be this hard to find.’

      Just then, a tall, slender man exited the gate door. He had dark hair flecked with gray and he easily looked over the heads of the crowd of people leaving the plane with him.

      “Johnny!” Marco called. “Over here!”

      Johnny tightened his grip on his small suitcase and hurried over to Marco’s side.

      “Hi, Marco,” Johnny said, grasping the other man’s hand in a firm handshake. “Thanks for picking me up.”

      “No problem, Johnny,” Marco assured him. “I’m doing the LAX duty today.”

      Johnny and Marco headed down the terminal’s wide hallway, following the signs for ground transportation.

      “I’m so sorry about . . .” Marco started to say, but Johnny cut him off.

      “Who else you gotta get?” Johnny asked abruptly, as he dodged slow moving passengers and the endless numbers of wheeled baggage trailing behind them. He wasn’t up to talking about Joanne yet to people who’d known her.

      Marco picked up his pace a little. Johnny had long legs and he was walking like he did most things in life – at top speed.

      “Well, Chet’s scheduled in from New York at two, and Chris from New York at six. I don’t know about Roy’s daughter; last I heard, she didn’t have a flight scheduled yet. Mike can’t come; his daughter is due any day now. And I think Roy said some of Joanne’s relatives live in San Diego. I guess they’ll be driving.”

      “Her sister,” Johnny confirmed. Then he shook his head, not slowing down in the slightest. “Too bad Chet and Chris didn’t book the same flight.”

      Marco agreed. “Really.”

      By this time, the two men were outside and heading for the short term parking lot.

      “I appreciate you coming to pick me up, Marco,” Johnny said again. He was tired and couldn’t remember if he’d thanked Marco yet. “Glad you could get off work.”

      Marco fished his keys out as they approached his car, a black Mustang convertible.

      “That’s one of the good things about being self-employed,” Marco said. “You can make your own hours.”

      Johnny lowered his tall frame into the car. “Most guys I know that are self-employed work harder than I ever did,” he stated.

      Marco nodded; he was there himself, but when family needed you, you didn’t hesitate to take off. Plus, his brother-in-law Antonio was there at the company. Not everything at the office was on Marco’s shoulders.

      “I’ll tell you what,” Johnny offered. “You pick Chet up at two and I’ll get Chris at six. We can draw straws for Jennifer, if she makes it in.”

      Marco nodded, concentrating on the traffic as he exited the lot. “What’re you going to use for a car?” he asked, quite appropriately.

      “Oh, I’ll use Roy’s,” Johnny said. “He’ll probably want to come with me anyway.”

      “Yeah,” Marco said, pulling out on the highway.

      A brief silence fell over both men.

      “Marco,” Johnny said seriously. “How is Roy doing?”

      Shaking his head, Marco answered, “I haven’t seen him yet. He called me a couple of hours ago to ask me to come get you, and to meet the other flights, but I haven’t been by to see him. That was the first I heard. What a shock. I mean, I knew she was going down, but I wasn’t expecting it so soon.”

      Marco sighed, “He sounded really calm to me on the phone.”

      Johnny frowned. Roy had sounded really calm on the phone at four this morning, too. It sounded like his former partner was acting true to form and keeping everything inside, bottled up.

      It was going to be up to him to break it loose, Johnny knew. Well, he’d done it before; he could do it again.

      ‘After all,’ Johnny thought, ‘once Joanne was first been diagnosed, it took all of two months before Roy would even admit to me that he was scared.’

      “We’re heading to the funeral home, John,” Marco assured him, noticing Johnny looking at the passing street signs curiously. “Roy’s there and he asked me to drop you off there instead of his house.”

      *****************

      Johnny and Marco walked quietly into the funeral home. It was big, spacious, and over air-conditioned. An elderly woman was sitting at the desk.

      “Welcome to Mount Laurel,” she said politely. She’d been reading a novel but quickly closed it and placed it in her desk drawer. “May I help you?”

      “Yes, ma’am,” Johnny said. “I’m looking for Roy DeSoto.”

      The woman touched her computer mouse and looked into the monitor.

      “DeSoto?” she said. “D – E . . . “ Her voice trailed off.

      “D – E” Johnny supplied, “Capital S - O – T – O.”

      Marco and Johnny stood quietly as the old woman peered at her monitor.

      “We have a Joanne DeSoto, “ she said, looked up at Johnny. “Is that who you’re looking for? I’m sorry, but viewing won’t begin until seven tonight.”

      Marco’s face turned slightly ashen, despite his dusky complexion, and Johnny tried again.

      “Yes, that’s her, but I’m looking for her husband. He was supposed to be here for an appointment at....?”

      Johnny looked questioningly at Marco.

      “Ten o’clock,” Marco responded.

      “Ten.” Johnny said, redirecting his attention to the older woman.

      Nodding, she looked at the monitor again. “Oh, yes, Mr. DeSoto. He’s meeting with Mr. Gonzalez now. But I can’t really interrupt them. They’re in the Rose Room.”

      She indicated the direction of the room with a wave of her hand. “Down the hall, last door on your right. You can wait for him outside the door, if you’d like.”

      Johnny nodded, and he and Marco followed her directions until they were stationed outside a room emblazoned with sign in pink script that said, “Rose”.

      Johnny could hear a murmur of male voices inside the room but the sounds were too indistinct to make out if any of them were Roy’s voice.

      Marco and Johnny stood there, leaning up against the far wall, for about five minutes. They didn’t talk.

      Johnny was weary from his long morning and his concern about Roy. Marco’s natural cheerfulness was somewhat subdued by the fact that he was at a funeral home and that one of his close friends had just lost his wife.

      While waiting for his partner, Johnny remembered a Sunday evening, almost two weeks ago.

      *****************

      Sunday, August 1, 1999

      “Joanne?” Roy asked softly. “I have to go down the hall for a few minutes. OK?”

      Joanne looked up at her husband, her eyes looking huge in her sunken, drawn face. She nodded slightly.

      Roy looked over at his former partner. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to. Johnny nodded subtly.

      As soon as Roy had left Joanne’s hospice room, Joanne began plucking at her oxygen mask. She needed to get it off her face. She liked the oxygen, it helped her breathe, but she needed to talk now. That was more important than the ease of breathing.

      With the practiced hands he’d developed during the years of being a paramedic and then training other paramedics, Johnny eased the oxygen mask off his best friend’s wife’s face and reached over her for the nasal cannula. He deftly placed it under Joanne’s nose so she could keep receiving the oxygen but be able to talk.

      Joanne smiled at Johnny weakly. He was such a dear man. He understood exactly what she wanted, almost as quickly as Roy would have.

      Once the oxygen mask was replaced with the cannula, Johnny noticed that Joanne was having an increasingly difficult time breathing.

      “Breathe through your nose, now, Joanne,” Johnny advised. He looked Joanne in the eyes to make sure she was listening to him.

      He watched as she made an effort to do that.

      Several moments passed by. Johnny sat quietly, watching this woman who had been such a big part of his life and the center of his best friend’s life.

      He was so sorry that he was flying home tonight, but he had to get back to work tomorrow. Yeah, he planned to fly back to LA in two weeks again but he was almost sure that Joanne wouldn’t be here anymore.

      He forced his statement into a smile.

      “How you feeling?” Johnny asked, gently.

      Joanne nodded. “Better,” she whispered. It was surprisingly difficult to talk. Her throat was sore and she couldn’t seem to quite catch her breath.

      “Take your time, Jo,” Johnny advised. “I’m not going anywhere. Just tell me when you can.”

      Joanne nodded, forcing herself to breathe through her nose. She needed to talk to Johnny before he left for LAX. She knew this would be the last time she’d see her dark haired Indian friend.

      The thought of that, that her struggle was almost over and the visits she was getting from her friends and family were the last visits she’d ever have with them, the last time she’d ever see them, caused tears to spring into Joanne’s eyes.

      She tried to stem the flow. Weakly, she reached for her eyes, to wipe away the tears, but Johnny caught her hand and set it back down on the bedcovers. There were no tissues left in the box on her nightstand, so Johnny used his hand and gently rubbed her tears away with his thumb.

      “What’s wrong, Joanne?” Johnny asked. “I mean, is there anything I can do?”

      Joanne took a deep breath through her nose. “I’m going to miss him so much.”

      Johnny looked at her compassionately.

      Joanne looked at Johnny’s face. “Brother David keeps saying that I’m going to a better place, but I kind of liked it here.”

      Johnny still didn’t say anything. What could he say? Finally, he said quietly, “I don’t want you to die, either, Joanne. I’m so sorry.”

      Joanne was crying freely now. She could barely draw enough breath to keep crying but somehow, she was.

      Johnny rested his hand on Joanne’s cheek. “Joanne, you’re going to have to stop crying. If you don’t, I’m gonna have to put the mask back on you.”

      Joanne swallowed hard. She knew Johnny was right. He realized she wanted to talk but he wasn’t going to let her get into trouble with all this crying. She could barely breathe.

      Her mouth gaping open, drying salvia and mucus around her mouth and nose, Joanne desperately tried to calm down.

      “I love him so, John,” she gasped out.

      Johnny nodded. “I know,” he said calmly. “I know.”

      “I’m going to miss him.”

      Johnny nodded again. “Yes, you are.”

      Joanne seemed to be calming down. “Please, Johnny . . .” she murmured, her voice trailing off.

      Johnny waited but Joanne didn’t say anything else.

      “What, Jo?” he asked softly.

      “Please take care of him,” Joanne asked, desperately sucking in oxygen through the nasal cannula.

      Johnny nodded firmly. “You don’t need to worry about that, Jo,” he said clearly. “You already knew that I would do that.”

      Joanne nodded. “You love him.”

      Johnny nodded slowly, not needing to say anything to confirm it. Joanne knew how he felt about Roy.

      Joanne questioned him with her eyes.

      Johnny set his jaw firmly. He wasn’t going to let Joanne down. Maybe she had to hear it once, spoken aloud.

      “Yes, Joanne,” Johnny said with conviction. “I love him. And I will take care of him, I promise.”

      Joanne’s statement relaxed ever so slightly. However, she was having an increasingly difficult time breathing, so Johnny made to remove the nasal cannula and replace it again with the oxygen mask. That was what she really needed to breathe. Johnny didn’t have to be a paramedic to know that.

      As he finished switching the oxygen delivery systems, Johnny leaned in close to Joanne to kiss her on her cheek.

      He loved her and Roy so much.

      Johnny didn’t notice it, but just as he leaned down to kiss Joanne, Roy appeared in the door. As he straightened up again after kissing her, he looked up and there was Roy in the doorway.

      “Let’s go, Junior,” Roy said abruptly. He had an odd look on his face as he started to walk into the room.

      Johnny sighed, grabbing his soda bottle.

      “See you later, Joanne,” he said. “I’ve got to get.”

      Joanne’s eyes pleaded with him again.

      “Don’t worry, “ Johnny said quietly, directing his words to her in the bed, even though Roy could easily overhear them. “I promised.”

      Roy finished walking up to his wife, and leaned over to give Joanne a kiss, too.

      “I’ve got to take Johnny to the airport, and then get some food for the house, Jo,” Roy informed her, with a soft, loving statement on his face. “I’ll be back in a few hours, OK?”

      Joanne nodded at her husband’s words but she was staring at Johnny.

      Roy grabbed Johnny’s arm.

      “Ready?”

      Johnny had time for one last look at Joanne before Roy pulled him out of her room.

      It was the last time he saw Joanne alive. He really felt that the sight of her despairing, pleading eyes, would haunt him for the rest of his life.

      *****************

      Suddenly the door opened and a couple of men in dark suits come out into the hallway.

      “ . . . and we just want to say one more time how sorry we are to hear of your loss, Mr. DeSoto,” one of the men was saying as they exited the room.

      Johnny ignored the two men he didn’t recognize, looking past them for Roy. As Johnny was walking over to the door, Roy emerged from the room.

      Johnny looked at his friend, his thinning white hair no longer holding a hint of the sandy blond color it had been when they’d been younger, and their eyes met.

      “Johnny,” Roy sighed in total relief, his friend’s name almost a prayer in his voice. Ignoring the both funeral directors’ outstretched hands and Marco’s welcoming smile, he met Johnny halfway and pulled him into a hug.

      “Thanks for coming so quickly, partner,” Roy said quietly, a little desperately.

      Johnny hugged Roy back, patting him firmly on the shoulder a couple of times before finally releasing him.

      “Just try to keep me away, partner,” Johnny vowed. “I took a leave from work, I’m here as long as you need me.”

      Roy caught Johnny’s glance as they separated. Johnny nodded towards the other people there, and Roy began to remember his manners.

      “Thanks,” he said to Johnny, softly, as he turned back to shake everyone’s hand before leaving.

      *****************

      “Pop the trunk for me, would ya, Marco?” Johnny said.

      As he reached into the trunk of Marco’s car for his suitcase, he asked, “What’s next, Roy?”

      Roy shook his head. He was gazing off at the rows of neat headstones and white statutes dotting the perfect green grass of the cemetery proper.

      “Roy?” Johnny repeated.

      Sighing, Roy turned to look at Johnny. “I don’t know. I have so much to do, and I don’t feel like doing any of it.”

      “So, let’s take a break. Marco, you hungry?” Johnny called over to Marco, who was seated in the driver’s seat of his car.

      Marco twisted back so he could see Johnny and said, “No, I need to get back to the office. Thanks, but you guys go without me. I‘ve got to go get Chet and Maria in a couple of hours anyway.”

      Roy looked guilty for a moment; he’d never thanked Marco for picking up Johnny with as little notice as Roy’d given him.

      “Marco, thanks for all your help,” Roy said. “I couldn’t handle all today without your help.”

      Marco smiled, and turned back to start his car. “De nada,” he said sincerely. “Chet and I’ll see you here tonight, OK?”

      Without waiting for an answer, Marco waved and drove off.

      Johnny glanced around. “Where’d you park, Roy?”

      Roy was lost in silence again, looking at the cemetery grounds once more.

      “Oh man,” Johnny thought. “I’ve got to get him out of here for a while. The viewing tonight’s gonna be bad enough.”

      Roy was clutching a sheath of papers.

      “Hey,” Johnny said loudly. “Where did you park?“

      “Oh,” Roy responded absently. “Over there.” He indicated the far side of the parking lot.

      “Let’s go, then,” Johnny stated, gently taking Roy’s arm and guiding him in that direction.

      “Where are we going?” Roy asked, allowing himself to be pulled along by Johnny’s secure grasp on his arm.

      “To eat,” Johnny said, emphatically. “I’m starving.”

      Roy shook his head in amusement. “You’re always hungry.” He looked over at his friend’s lean frame. “And you’re just as skinny at 55 as you were at 25!”

      Johnny glanced over at Roy, a hint of a smile on his face. “Fifty-three, Pal, 53. You’re the one who’s about to hit the big 5 – 5.”

      Roy’s face fell. His last birthday was going to be the last one he’d ever share with Joanne. She was dead now, at 54 herself.

      ‘That’s too young to die,’ he thought.

      ‘Why couldn’t it have been me?’ Roy asked silently, as he had countless times before since Joanne’d been diagnosed.

      Johnny instantly noticed Roy’s mood sink again.

      “What are all those papers for, Roy?” he asked, to change the subject.

      Roy sighed, holding them out to Johnny. “Decisions. I thought we’d settled all this when she and I came out here in February. But apparently not,” he concluded sadly.

      “They’re probably just trying to get you to spend more money,” Johnny said cynically.

      Roy shrugged. “I don’t care.”

      “Well, I do,” Johnny said firmly. He didn’t want Roy taken advantage of. “We’ll look at these while we’re eating.”

      While they talking, they’d reached Roy’s car.

      “Give me the keys, Roy,” Johnny said. “I’ll drive.”

      Roy smiled in spite of himself. “You’ve waited years to say that, Johnny.”

      “Have not!”

      Roy nodded. “Yeah, you have.” He reached in his pocket and handed the keys over to his friend.

      Once they were in the Toyota and buckled up, Johnny turned to face Roy. “How does Denny’s sound?”

      “I’m not hungry, Johnny,” Roy said.

      “When was the last time you ate?” Johnny asked, in a reasonable tone of voice.

      Roy smiled a little, his eyes looking a little less sad. “Last night. I had dinner with Joanne last night.”

      Johnny paused in shock, looking at Roy with wide eyes. “I thought you said that she’d been in a coma.”

      Roy nodded. “She was, but not until about nine. She was still talking to me, at least with her eyes, until then.” Roy’s voice grew soft. “I was with her, Johnny. She was never alone. I stayed with her all the way until the end.”

      “Of course you did,” Johnny said in a soothing voice.

      “The staff at the hospice, they were so nice. I want to do something for them. They let me stay with her as much as I wanted to, all night if I wanted to. They were great.”

      Johnny gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. Suddenly he was having trouble handling his emotions. He didn’t want to lose it when Roy needed him, but this whole situation was so sad.

      Joanne’s death had been expected for several weeks. Still, when she finally went, it had been quicker than anyone had anticipated.

      Johnny had planned to fly down to be available to Roy when Joanne’s death had seemed imminent, although he never would have intruded on Roy and Joanne’s time together. However, he had wanted to be in LA when she died.

      Roy’s call at four that morning had really been a shock.

      Apologizing for not being here when it happened wouldn’t do any good, Johnny felt. All he could do now was help Roy survive the next few days.

      “I’ll tell you what, Roy,” Johnny promised. “Let’s get through the funeral and everything, and then we’ll decide how to thank the staff. I agree, they were great.”

      Johnny had been flying down to LA every other weekend for several months, from the point at which everyone had tacitly acknowledged Joanne had lost her battle with cancer. He’d been to the hospice several times and it had been a very well run organization. It had been the perfect place for Joanne to be. She’d had a private room and Roy’d been able to spend time with her that he would never have been able to if she’d been at Rampart.

      In any case, she’d spent plenty of time at Rampart before her cancer had spread to her liver and pancreas and Dr. Bowdoin had told them that that was it. There wasn’t anything else to be done. Joanne had wanted to go home but even with Roy’s medical background, her condition it was too much for one man to handle. After a week at home, she’d moved to St. Anne’s and that’s where she’d died, four months later.

      Both men fell silent, lost in thought.

      At last, Johnny turned the key over and piloted the car out of the parking lot.

      *****************

      Late that afternoon, it was Johnny’s turn to scan passengers flooding out of an arriving plane.

      Johnny’d never been to New York. He couldn’t imagine being on a plane as long as a flight from New York to LA must take.

      The flight from Sacramento to LA was bad enough. After almost a year of biweekly flights, he had all the flight attendants and pilots’ names memorized. He also knew the customary cruising altitude, the length of the flight, and he was pretty good at guessing which gate they’d dock at.

      ‘Brother,’ John thought. ‘There must be a couple hundred people on this plane.”

      Finally he caught sight of Roy’s son, quickly walking out of the gate and towards him.

      “Chris,” he said warmly, giving the young man a hug. He released him and stepped back, looking Chris over in what he hoped was an unobtrusive fashion. Chris had had a tough time since leaving college and even though he was in his early thirties, he hadn’t really settled down.

      “Johnny,” Chris said urgently, “Where’s Dad?”

      “At the funeral home; the viewing starts soon and he didn’t want to leave your mom alone there. So, you’re stuck with me.” Johnny spoke with forced cheerfulness.

      Johnny and Roy had talked logistics through much of their lunch. Roy had wanted to be at LAX to pick up Chris but he didn’t want to leave Joanne alone in the funeral home during the scheduled viewing hours. And no one knew yet when Jen was coming in.

      Finally Roy and Johnny decided that he would get Chris so Roy could be with Joanne.

      Johnny was a little puzzled at Chris’ demeanor, though. He expected Chris to be upset; after all, he’d just lost his mom, but Chris looked scared more than sad.

      Just then, Johnny noticed a taller, handsome man standing next to Chris. He looked a little younger than Chris did.

      Johnny looked over at the stranger.

      “Hi,” the other man said, pleasantly.

      “Hi,” Johnny responded automatically. Chris cleared his throat, uncomfortably. “Johnny, this is my partner, Barry.”

      Johnny’s eyes flitted between both men. “Nice to meet you, Barry.”

      He shook Barry’s hand, looking him over now as well.

      A brief uncomfortable silence ensued, but at last Johnny said, “Well, let’s go. Time’s a-wasting.”

      *****************

      Once they were all in the Camry, with Chris’ and Barry’s luggage loaded in the trunk, Johnny headed back towards Roy’s house.

      “I have to go home first, Chris,” Johnny explained, conscious of the fact that Chris might be in a hurry to get to the funeral home. “I’ve got to check the answering machine and Roy’s e/mail to see when Jen is coming in.”

      Chris and Barry were seated in the back seat together. Johnny felt a bit like a chauffeur.

      Chris seized on the safe topic Johnny casually tossed out.

      “Jen? She’s coming back, right?”

      Johnny reached over to flip on the radio. “Well, that’s what we’re waiting to hear. She’s got a long way to come, you know.”

      Chris nodded. “Yeah.”

      The soft sounds of Roy’s favorite jazz station filled the car as Johnny manipulated the volume control of the Camry’s radio.

      That prompted Barry to say suddenly, “Jazz? Chris, your old man is so predictable. I bet he gets the oil changed every 3,000 miles and rotates the tires, too.”

      Chris didn’t say anything.

      Johnny compressed his lips. He knew Barry was special to Chris and he also knew that with Joanne gone, the fragile peace Chris and Roy had managed to maintain during Joanne’s illness was going to be gone forever. He needed to try to be the peacemaker between father and son. That meant accepting, or at least trying to accept, Barry.

      Johnny was remarkably unbigoted. Despite his turbulent upbringing on the reservation, he never harbored any resentment towards the racist whites he endured in Lame Deer and he never visited their sins on any of the whites he met or worked with in LA.

      He truly didn’t care one way or the other if someone was African American, Hispanic, Asian, or whatever. And once he’d figured out that Chris was gay, he’d immediately decided that sexual orientation wasn’t important to him either.

      However, he was kind of glad that, during his days as a firefighter/paramedic, none of the men he’d bunked with had been homosexual. That might have been a little hard to deal with.

      But despite Johnny’s tolerant attitude, Barry’s personality wasn’t scoring any points with him so far.

      “I’ll tell you what, Barry,” Johnny said placatingly. “How does classic rock sound?”

      “Great,” Chris said hastily. “That would be fine.”

      Johnny moved the dial over the station he’d listened to when he lived in LA, and the Rolling Stones burst into song. Johnny turned it down a little.

      Chris leaned forward, towards Johnny, hoping that Barry wouldn’t overhear.

      “Do you think Dad’ll be mad that I brought Barry with me, Uncle Johnny?” Chris asked, sounding more like a little boy than a thirty-three year old man.

      Just calling him “Uncle” was a key to how emotionally upset Chris was, Johnny knew. Chris hadn’t called him Uncle Johnny in probably over a decade.

      Before Johnny could respond, Barry burst out. “I don’t care what he thinks, Chris! I told you, I wasn’t going to let you face this alone. I’m going to be here for you, no matter what he says.”

      After a brief pause, Barry muttered, loud enough to be heard even over the radio. “He’s a dinosaur.”

      Johnny felt his face flush with anger. This needed to be stopped right now or it would be a long few days.

      “Barry,” Johnny said firmly. “Chris’ dad is named Roy. Not old man. Not dinosaur. And he happens to be my best friend, and a man who lost his wife this morning. They’d been married 34 years. If you want to ride around in his car and keep company with his son, let’s try a little respect.”

      Barry looked up at the rear view mirror, seeing Johnny’s face in it. “How about he try some respect for me? I don’t think I’ll get any. And what about Chris? It was his mom that died, you know!”

      Johnny was quiet for a moment. Roy was so opposed to Chris’ lifestyle choices that Barry might have a point about the respect. Johnny really couldn’t believe how narrow minded Roy was about certain things.

      It was OK to be philosophically opposed to homosexuality, but to reject your own son over it? Johnny couldn’t imagine that.

      Finally he sighed, “Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, OK? And I know Chris lost his mother. Believe me, I know.”

      *****************

      Shortly before seven, Johnny, Chris, and Barry arrived at the funeral home. Chris and Barry begged off going right in, saying they wanted to view the gravesite where Joanne was going to be laid to rest tomorrow.

      However, Johnny knew that what they really wanted was for him to run some interference for them with Roy.

      Accordingly, he’d dug out his reading glasses again and poured over the stack of papers Roy had gotten from the funeral director that morning. He knew the location of the gravesite would be in there somewhere.

      He’d finally figured out the location and sent the boys off on foot.

      Johnny walked back into the lobby and consulted the neatly lettered placard by the front door. Joanne was upstairs, in the “Peace” room.

      ‘These names!’ Johnny thought. ‘Rose – Peace; what’s next?’

      Johnny headed up the stairs at a fast clip, forestalling taking them two at a time due to the solemn nature of the occasion.

      At he crested the top step, he saw Roy, sitting in one of the easy chairs outside the closed door to the Peace room. His head was in his hands. Roy heard Johnny’s steps approaching and looked up at him, fatigue etched into tiny lines and wrinkles around his eyes.

      ‘Roy looks terrible,’ Johnny thought instantly. ‘He’s got to get some sleep tonight.’

      “Did you get Chris?” Roy asked eagerly as Johnny approached. “Is he here?”

      Johnny seated himself in the easy chair next to his best friend. Roy was looked at him, searching his face for answers.

      Patting Roy on the knee briefly, Johnny said, “Yes, I got him and he’s fine and he’s here. But I need to talk to you about a couple of things.”

      Roy looked apprehensive and Johnny hastened to reassure him.

      “Nothing bad, Roy. Just some things you’re going to want to know about.”

      Johnny took a deep breath.

      “To begin with, Jennifer isn’t going to be able to come to the funeral.”

      Roy closed his eyes and sank back against the chair.

      “I knew it,” he said mournfully. “She would have been here by now if she were coming.”

      Johnny nodded. “When I checked your e/mail there was a message from her. She can’t come all the way from Frankfurt with the twins. It’s too much for her. And David is supposed to be back from Macedonia any day now and she hasn’t seen him for six months.”

      Johnny pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his pants pocket and proffered it to Roy. “I printed out her e/mail so you could read it.”

      Roy merely looked at the white square of paper. “Not right now, Johnny,” he said quietly.

      “She wants you to call her when you get home tonight,” Johnny informed Roy.

      Roy laughed, a little bitterly. “She does?” he said evenly. “I want her to be here for her mother’s funeral. Does that count for anything?”

      Johnny fell silent long enough for Roy to look over at him.

      Once he was sure that he had Roy’s attention, Johnny said, “Cut her some slack, Roy. She’s alone in Germany with three-year-old twin girls. She hasn’t seen her husband in six months and he’s only – what did you say? A private or something? They probably don’t have any money.”

      “David’s a staff sergeant, and I don’t care about any of that. She needs to be here.”

      Johnny sighed. This conversation wasn’t going too well so far.

      The words, ‘staff sergeant’ didn’t mean anything to him; he’d never been anywhere near the Army. Roy’d been in, but that had been before Johnny had known him. One of his brothers was in the military but Johnny hadn’t talked to anyone in his family in years so he had no idea what rank or position his brother held, or had held.

      For the past quarter of a century, his family’d been the DeSoto family. It was a family that was spinning into pieces now that Joanne was gone, but it was up to him to try to keep it together.

      It didn’t look good right now, though.

      “I’m positive Jen would be here if she could,” Johnny said loyally. He still adored Roy’s daughter, even though she was almost thirty now and long since married and now a mother.

      “What’s the rest of it, Junior?” Roy asked wearily, glancing at his watch.

      Only a couple of minutes until seven, Roy noted. ‘I’ll finally be able to get in and see Joanne.’

      He hadn’t been able to see her since 3:45 this morning, when she’d slipped away from him. He still had trouble absorbing his loss even though intellectually he’d known it was coming for weeks, if not months.

      He’d been there, holding her hand, telling her how much he loved her, had always loved her, would always love her. He’d been there the whole time. How had she’d been able to drift away from him? It seemed to him that if he’d just hold on her hand, she wouldn’t be able to leave. But she had.

      Roy looked at the door to the Peace room and than back at Johnny.

      “Well, Chris brought Barry with him,” Johnny admitted.

      Roy sighed. “His boyfriend.”

      Johnny tilted his head in agreement. “Well, they use the term ‘partners’.”

      Roy looked at Johnny in shock. “Partners?”

      Johnny nodded. “Partners.”

      As the two old friends looked at each other, the barest hint of amusement evident in Johnny’s eyes and absolutely no humor in Roy’s, Chris and Barry hesitatingly ascended the steps to second floor of the funeral home. As soon as Chris caught sight of his dad, he rapidly walked over to him.

      “Dad,” Chris said, sadly.

      Roy leapt to his feet and embraced his son. “Chris,” he said in a relieved tone. “Thanks for coming.”

      Chris swallowed a response to that. After all, this was his mom that had died. Yeah, he hadn’t had the money to come see her for a few months, but surely both his parents knew how much he’d loved her.

      How could his dad thank him for coming? What else would he do? Stay away? He wasn’t like Jennifer.

      “That’s OK, Dad,” Chris said uncomfortably, catching Johnny’s eye behind Roy’s back and trying to extract himself from his dad’s hug.

      Johnny nodded subtly.

      “Dad,” Chris said firmly. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

      Roy sighed, accepting the inevitable.

      “OK, son.”

      Chris pulled Barry forward.

      “Dad,” Chris said. “This is my partner, Barry.”

      Johnny stood only a few inches behind Roy, buttressing Roy’s right shoulder. If this guy said anything to Roy that was out of bounds, Johnny was more than ready to show him the door. He truly hoped that the statement in his eyes conveyed that to Barry, because Johnny knew he’d throw Barry out if he dumped on Roy at all.

      Barry took Roy’s outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. DeSoto,” he said politely and sincerely.

      Roy nodded, grasping Barry’s hand firmly. He managed a smile for the neatly attired, attractive young man. “Barry. Please call me Roy.”

      Johnny and Chris caught each other’s eyes and smiled in relief. It looked like everyone was going to make an effort to get along, thank God. Tomorrow was going to be bad enough without any family dissention to complicate things.

      *****************

      “Mr. DeSoto?” inquired the young man in a black pinstriped suit. “We’re ready for you.”

      Glancing over at Johnny, Roy squared his shoulders and headed for the viewing room.

      He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to his wife yet but every ceremonial event he had to endure: meeting with the funeral director, making the final decisions on the funeral, calling his family and friends, the viewing... all of them brought him closer to the time she’d be laid in the ground and he would be truly alone.

      Johnny was right behind him, and Roy and he were the first ones in the room. Johnny was dimly aware of Chris and Barry trailing behind them.

      Roy ignored the white and gray visitors’ book on the stand by the door and headed straight over to the casket. He’d requested a closed casket; Joanne had lost so much weight that she’d looked skeletal by the time she’d died. He didn’t want everyone to remember her that way. Roy missed being able to see her face now but he knew he had to think of everyone else’s feelings.

      Johnny followed his friend over to the casket and paused as Roy stood there. The new widower ignored the two kneelers set up side by side at the edge of the coffin.

      As Roy continued to stand still, staring at the polished coffin, Johnny gently touched his arm and guided him over to the kneelers, kneeling down himself on one and pulling Roy along with him to kneel at the second one.

      Johnny genuflected and began to pray for Joanne.

      Roy was a little lost; he wasn’t Catholic and this ritual seemed rather contrived to him. He glanced at Johnny, whose eyes were closed in prayer, and decided at once that he could and would handle this, even if it were different than what he was accustomed to.

      Roy closed his eyes and prayed too.

      Roy had done so much praying in the last two years and none of it had done Joanne or him a bit of good. He’d given up on God doing anything for him and was even past being mad at Him for His neglect. Now he merely prayed that Joanne was happy and safe and that he’d be able to see her again, soon.

      Johnny had done a lot of praying in the last two years, too.

      Before Joanne had gotten sick, he’d still been mired in his seemingly endless struggle between how he was raised versus his life in the non-Indian world. As the years piled on each other and memories of the reservation faded, Johnny resolved most of his questions. However, which religion to follow hadn’t been one he’d managed to put to rest.

      Oddly enough, Joanne’s illness had helped him settle his dilemma there once and for all.

      When John prayed now, it was to God, straight to Him with no middlemen. Whether God was the god of the Roman Catholicism he’d learned in school or the one taught to him by his grandfather, Johnny was convinced He was one and the same. His only hope now was that Joanne was with Him and that Roy would be able to survive without her.

      Crossing himself again, Johnny pushed himself to his feet and so did Roy.

      “Come on, Roy,” Johnny said. “You and I need to sign that book.”

      *****************

      Hank Stanley and his wife walked into the Peace room shortly after seven. Hank was dressed in his battalion chief’s uniform and his wife had a dark blue dress on. Even in their early sixties, they were a handsome couple. Hank was as tall and trim as ever and his wife was not very heavy, with a lovely face.

      Johnny caught sight of his old captain and smiled. It was nice of Hank to wear the uniform. Johnny suspected that that wouldn’t be the only Department uniform he’d see here tonight before nine, when visitation was over. And he’d probably see a few dozen more tomorrow.

      With his new position, Johnny was entitled to wear a chief’s uniform from his new jurisdiction, but that would have felt too weird. Johnny’d brought a dark gray business suit to wear at the funeral.

      As he watched Hank go over to Roy to offer his condolences, Johnny thought back to the past few years.

      Everyone he’d worked with at 51's back in the seventies was retired or resigned from the Department now, except Hank. He was the “B” shift battalion chief at 14s.

      Mike Stoker had retired in 1997, about the same time Roy and Johnny had. He’d moved to Florida to be near his kids. His youngest daughter was pregnant with her first child and was due this week, according to Marco. So Mike wouldn’t be coming to the funeral, but Johnny’d already walked the circuit of the room and seen the flowers he’d sent.

      Marco had retired five years ago on disability; his back gone from hauling hose all those years. His dad had sold their family owned towing company to Marco and his brother in law and that kept Marco pretty busy. He’d married a girl he’d met at the supermarket almost 15 years ago and they’d had a son who was around 13 now.

      Johnny suspected the towing company was in that kid’s future, too, whether he liked it or not.

      Chet had resigned from the Department not long after he married Maria. Maria was, like Chet, originally from New York and they’d moved back there a few years after the wedding. Chet was a construction foreman somewhere in New Jersey now. Or maybe it was in Connecticut. In any case, it was one of those northeastern states. He and his wife had never had any kids.

      Johnny was expecting Chet and Marco to show up together here pretty soon. Even though they were on different coasts now, Chet and Marco were still good friends. Whenever Johnny ran into Marco during his weekends in LA, Marco always seemed to know how Chet was doing.

      Roy and Johnny had spent around eight years as station captains after they’d finally left the paramedic program. Roy had seriously considered taking the battalion chief’s test but Johnny had talked him out of it.

      Johnny’d gotten on as a paramedic instructor at the Academy by that time. Frankly, he really missed working with Roy. He hadn’t really enjoyed being a captain; partly because it was a little too hands off for him, but mostly he missed the medical aspect of his job as a paramedic. Off duty, he still hung out with Roy and Joanne almost exclusively and knew Roy’d been equally restless as a station captain.

      So he talked Roy into applying at the Academy, sure that Roy’d be selected and he was. It wasn’t quite like riding the squad again, but it was back in the medical part of the Department, which both men favored, and they saw each other every day again.

      That’s where they’d been when they’d retired just over two years ago, in June of 1997.

      Johnny was now the acting director of Public Safety in Concord, CA, deciding to get out of LA because he was sick of the city and he wanted to finally get a couple of horses.

      It had been hard to leave LA after all those years, but Roy and Joanne had planned on doing a lot of travelling with Roy being retired. It seemed to Johnny that he wouldn’t see much of Roy now matter what, so leaving LA wasn’t nearly as hard as it could have been.

      That was two years ago. Right after Roy and Johnny’d retired, Joanne had gone in for a routine physical.

      As Roy has related to Johnny later, she’d joked to her husband, “I know I’m getting old. But I’m not supposed to feel this bad, am I?”

      *****************

      “Do you want a drink, Johnny?” Roy asked.

      Johnny, seated on the living room couch, looked towards the darkened kitchen and the direction of Roy’s voice.

      “Well, that depends on what it is, Roy,” Johnny said with a smile. “Whatta you got?”

      Roy stepped through the kitchen entranceway into the living room. “This,” he said, holding out a half-filled bottle of Jack Daniels.

      Johnny almost physically recoiled.

      “I hate that stuff, Roy,” Johnny protested. “You know that.”

      Roy nodded, a small smile playing around his lips. “The beer’s in the fridge.”

      “Great!” Johnny said. “That sounds good.”

      As he got off the couch and headed towards the kitchen, Johnny asked, “How much of that stuff are you planning on having tonight, Pal?”

      Roy didn’t answer him.

      The only light on in the kitchen was the stove light, and the kitchen was pretty dark. The kitchen window opened onto the back yard, and the slightest glow of moonlight was flowing in and bathing the sink with dim light.

      Johnny reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a beer from the bottom right hand shelf. That was the same place Roy’d been keeping his beer as long as Johnny’d known him. Johnny looked briefly around the contents of the refrigerator and, after closing the door, he looked around the darkened kitchen too.

      ‘Maybe Barry’s right,’ Johnny thought.

      Roy was awfully predictable. His house, his wardrobe, his beliefs . . . Roy hadn’t changed much in the almost thirty years Johnny had known him.

      Johnny popped the top of his beer and took a small swallow as he watched Roy pour himself a couple of fingers of the whiskey he’d offered Johnny.

      ‘Yeah, maybe Roy’s predictable,’ Johnny reflected.

      However, Johnny liked him just the way he was.

      The only problem now was that the center of Roy’s life was gone and Johnny didn’t know how Roy was going to be able to adjust. He was worried about that. Roy seemed like the pillar of strength to others, but Johnny knew that Joanne had been the anchor that kept Roy grounded and sane, especially once the kids had grown up and moved so far away.

      Not for the first time since Joanne’d gotten sick, Johnny regretted his move to Northern California. He loved it up there, but he was needed here. Now more than ever.

      Johnny happened to see the telephone when he turned to head back to the living room with his beer. He remembered that Jennifer had wanted her dad to call her.

      “Roy,” Johnny said, “don’t forget Jen wanted you to call her.”

      Roy lifted the shot glass to his lips and swallowed the liquor quickly. He shook his head a little as the whiskey burned a trail down to his stomach.

      “That’s better,” Roy said, picking up the bottle again.

      “Hey,” Johnny protested. “That’s not a good idea.”

      “Yes, it is,” Roy responded, his voice rough from the whiskey.

      “At least call Jen first, Roy. While you’re still half way sober.”

      “I really don’t want to call her, Johnny,” Roy stated, although he set the bottle down and turned to face his former partner.

      “And you really don’t want to get drunk tonight, either. That’s not going to make tomorrow go any better,” Johnny said firmly.

      “No,” Roy agreed softly. “It’s not.”

      Roy stared off in space for several moments, looking at a point just beyond Johnny’s left shoulder.

      “Roy?” Johnny said, softly and carefully. He realized that from the time Joanne had died early that morning to now Roy had never been alone, never had time to let go.

      “Whatever you need to do, it’s OK. I’m the only one here. If you need to scream, or cry, or break something... no one will ever hear about it from me.”

      Johnny and Roy had dropped Chris and Barry off at a hotel near the funeral home after visitation had ended at nine. Roy had offered to let the guys stay at the house but they’d declined, to the secret relief of both Roy and Barry.

      “I’ve done my crying already, Johnny,” Roy said sadly.

      “When?” Johnny asked incredulously. “Between 3:45 and 4:00 am? Because you sure weren’t crying when you talked to me this morning!”

      Roy rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about this now. “Hand me the phone, Gage.”

      Johnny smiled, and picked up the portable phone and handed it to his friend. “That, I can do. Tell her I said hi.”

      Roy accepted the phone but with a glance at Johnny, turned back towards the kitchen counter and poured himself another drink. When he turned back around to look up Jen’s phone number, he couldn’t miss Johnny’s disapproving gaze, even in the semi-darkness of the kitchen.

      “I’m not going to drink it until I’m off the phone, Johnny,” Roy said defensively.

      “No, you’re not,” Johnny agreed.

      Johnny shook his head. Just the smell of the whiskey was turning his stomach. How had he ever been able to drink that crap when he was a teenager? And why did Roy like it all of a sudden? In all their years together at the Department, he’d never known Roy to progress beyond beer and the occasional bottle of wine.

      Roy walked over towards the breakfast bar, which was where the phone and the directories, not to mention an assortment of pens, papers, and paperback books, were stored. He needed to look up Jennifer’s number.

      “Hey, do you have your glasses handy?” Roy asked Johnny as he started to dig through the mess of papers by the phone. “You have to dial about 15 digits to call Germany. I don’t have all that memorized and I can’t read the numbers without my glasses.”

      Johnny neatly took Joanne’s pocket directory out of Roy’s hands. “Yeah, I can do it. Let me see this thing.” He reached over and snapped on the small lamp next to the phone so he could see what he was looking at.

      Putting on his reading glasses, Johnny fumbled through the book until he got to the T’s. Jennifer’s married name was Tottenburg.

      “Here it is!” Johnny exclaimed. “Do you need me to dial it, too?”

      “No, thanks,” Roy said, holding the phone out and showing Johnny the number pad. “Look – nice big numbers for us old folks.”

      Johnny grinned. “OK, here goes,” he said, as he carefully started to read off the numbers.

      *****************

      Johnny had retreated back to the living room to give Roy the illusion of privacy while he called his daughter.

      The living room was dark, like the kitchen.

      Roy hadn’t turned on any lights in the living room when he and Johnny had gotten home and Johnny didn’t turn any on either, while he was waiting for Roy. There was a little more light in the living room, though, because the big picture window opened out onto the street and the moon and the streetlights illuminated the room. It was quiet; Roy lived on a cul-de-sac and they didn’t get much traffic.

      “How is she?” Johnny asked as Roy finally emerged from the gloom of the kitchen with his drink firmly in one hand.

      Johnny was stretched out on the couch, nursing his beer. Roy sat down in an easy chair that faced the TV. He angled his body so that he was facing his friend instead of the TV.

      “Fine,” he said, sipping his drink this time instead of bolting it down. “I’m glad I called her.”

      Johnny nodded. “Why?”

      “Well, she really can’t come home. Michelle has an ear infection....”

      Johnny interrupted, “Another one?”

      Roy sighed, “Yeah, another one, and Erika is supposed to do some kind of German/American exchange program all this week.”

      Johnny watched Roy’s face in the moonlight.

      “In any case, stuff like this happens all the time. You know, relatives die back here in the States and the soldiers or their families can’t always make it home. So the chaplain is having a memorial service for Joanne tomorrow night. Jen said David’s commander and a bunch of his officers and NCOs are supposed to come. So she will have a chance to say goodbye. Just not here.”

      Johnny smiled. “That sounds great.”

      Roy nodded a little. “I feel a lot better. And Jen said she was going to have David put in for leave as soon as he gets back from Yugoslavia, or where ever he is, and they are going to come home for a couple of weeks. She said they’d spend a week here with me and a week in Phoenix with his parents.”

      “Sounds good. You make sure you let me know so I can fly down and see her and the kids.”

      “Oh, I will, Johnny.”

      Roy swallowed a bit more of his drink. He still had half of it to go and he was already feeling drugged.

      Roy looked over at Johnny. “How about I pour the rest of this out, and we go to bed?”

      Johnny grinned. “No,” he said. “How about I pour the rest of that out and we go to bed?”

      Johnny downed the rest of his beer in one gulp and jumped to his feet. “Give me that,” he demanded, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

      Roy surrendered the glass and began to pull himself to his feet as Johnny rushed the glass back into the kitchen and dumped the contents down the kitchen drain. He stuck the glass in the dishwasher.

      “Johnny,” Roy said from the kitchen doorway. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t get a chance to re make your bed. It has the same sheets on it from your last visit.”

      Johnny headed out the kitchen and started pushing Roy up the stairs. “I’ll get over it, somehow. Let’s go.”

      He got Roy moving and then remembered his suitcase. Johnny swiftly retrieved it from by the front door and hurried up the stairs.

      “You gonna be OK, Roy?” he asked, tossing the bag into Chris’ old bedroom which was now the guestroom. After over six months of biweekly visits to Roy’s home, the house and especially the guest bedroom felt even more like a second home to him than when he’d lived and worked in LA.

      Roy nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”

      “Well, I’m going to get up about seven. We’ll have some breakfast before we head over the Mount Laurel. Sound good to you?”

      Roy nodded again. “Seven sounds good. See you then.”

      Both men turned to head into their respective rooms. “Good night, Pal,” Johnny called over his shoulder.

      “Good night.” Roy responded quietly.

      Johnny paused, turning back around and looking at Roy’s retreating back.

      “Roy.”

      Roy, startled, turned around too. “What?”

      “Are you sure you’re all right?”

      Roy was quiet for a long moment, finally giving Johnny’s concern some attention. He’d been on autopilot today, accepting everyone’s condolences but really thinking only about Joanne. It had been great to have Johnny here but he’d really avoided letting Johnny, and everyone else, see how badly he felt.

      Well, he thought he’d hidden it from Johnny. As usual, Johnny was proving to be far more perceptive than he expected.

      “To be honest, Johnny, I really don’t know yet.” Roy said candidly.

      He leaned his head up against the doorframe to his bedroom. “I’m afraid to think about it too much. I’m afraid if I think about it too much, I’ll realize how completely screwed I am now, without her.”

      Johnny didn’t say anything, carefully watching Roy’s face.

      Roy righted his head and looked back at his best friend. It was clear that was all he was going to say tonight.

      Finally Johnny said, “OK. But if you need anything tonight – to talk, or cry, or whatever – you get me up, you hear?”

      Roy nodded.

      “I mean it, Roy. You wake me up if you need to.”

      “I will, Junior, I will,” Roy assured him. “Thanks. But I’m really hoping I just can go to sleep and forget about all this for a while.”

      Johnny nodded understandingly. “OK. See you later, then.”

      *****************

      Thursday, November 25, 1999

      Thanksgiving Day dawned bright, warm, and fairly clear in Los Angeles. However, Roy missed the dawn entirely because he woke up closer to noon. It after ten o’clock before he made it down the stairs to put some coffee on.

      As he waited for the coffee maker to run through its cycle, Roy looked around the kitchen. The house was completely quiet except for the brewing sound the coffee maker was making.

      Roy realized he had five hours to kill before he was due at Hank’s house. What was he going to do with himself? He couldn’t really drink much, because he had to drive later. The empty hours loomed forbiddingly.

      Both Hank and Marco had invited Roy, and whichever of his relatives might be visiting for the holiday weekend, to come over for Thanksgiving dinner. Simply because Hank had asked him first, Roy committed to going to the Stanleys.

      Marco, disappointed, had extracted a promise from Roy that Roy’d come to his house for a party Christmas Eve and Midnight mass at Marco’s parish.

      Roy appreciated their concern. However, he wasn’t done mourning the loss of Joanne and the attendant emotional distance of his children. The social obligations of the holiday season seemed more than he could handle. He genuinely liked Hank and Marco, of course, but he didn’t feel up to seeing either of them today or on Christmas Eve.

      The stores had had their Christmas decorations up since just after Halloween, but Roy had managed to avoid thinking about the holidays until Thanksgiving was upon him. Now that the holiday season was really here, he couldn’t avoid dealing with it any longer.

      Neither Chris nor Jennifer would be home for either holiday.

      Roy had invited Chris and Barry to LA, with Roy paying for the airline tickets, for any weekend they could get free during the holidays. But both men worked retail sales, and there weren’t going to be any weekends for either of them until after the Christmas returns had been accepted and re stocked. Roy had talked to Chris last week.

      Chris had said they were going to Barry’s mom in Connecticut for turkey dinner tonight. “I’ll call on Thanksgiving if I can, Dad. It depends how long we’re at Angela’s house.”

      Jennifer was still in Germany, of course. David had not been able to get leave with the uncertainty in Kosovo and Jennifer didn’t want to come home without her husband. “Maybe after the New Year, Dad,” she’d said in her last e/mail.

      Roy’s post retirement dreams of Joanne and him hosting huge holiday dinners with the kids and their spouses, and their grandchildren, seemed laughable now. Jennifer seemed unwilling to leave Germany and Roy didn’t see too many kids in Chris’ future.

      And, Joanne was dead.

      The coffee had finished brewing and Roy automatically poured himself a cup, absentmindedly stirring in a spoonful of sugar and carefully placing the spoon in the dishwasher.

      He’d only been awake 20 minutes but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to stand one more lonely day in this house. An idea, borne out of desperation, was growing in his mind and he seized upon it with long forgotten determination.

      The first thing he had to do was make his apologies to Hank.

      *****************

      Millie opened the door at the sound of the doorbell.

      “Roy,” she said in surprise. “Happy Thanksgiving!”

      Roy smiled a little at his neighbor. “Happy Thanksgiving to you too, Millie. I apologize for bothering you on a holiday; I know you must be busy. . “

      “Nonsense,” Millie answered. “Do you want to come in?”

      Roy shook his head. “No, thank you. May I speak with Timothy for a moment?”

      “Sure,” Millie responded. “He needs to take a break from all that football anyway.”

      The woman turned her head towards the living room and yelled, “Timothy!”

      A tall, skinny teenager of about 15 appeared at his mother’s elbow. “Hi, Roy,” he said, greeting the older man. “What’s up?”

      Roy shook Timothy’s hand. “Tim, I’m sorry for the short notice, but I was wondering if I could get you to take care of my house for a few weeks? I’m going out of town.”

      Millie looked up in alarm. “How long are you going to be gone?”

      Roy shrugged, but answered politely. “I don’t know yet. Why?”

      “Our annual Christmas party is the fifth! You’ll miss it,” Millie protested.

      Roy arched his eyebrows in surprise. “I didn’t know it was going to be the fifth this year,” he admitted.

      “It’s always the first Friday in December, Roy. You’ve been coming to our party for what, twelve years? It’s always then, the first Friday in December.”

      Roy shook his head, a little embarrassed.

      Yeah, he’d gone to the Longrens’ party every December for the past dozen years, but he’d never paid attention to when it was held. Joanne always handled stuff like that. He just had to get dressed and show up. Joanne’d taken care of everything else: the gag gifts, the vegetable casserole, and the Christmas cake she’d made every year.

      “I’m so sorry, Millie,” Roy said, but added disingenuously, “I’ve been called out of town.”

      ‘Called out of town before I lose my mind in that house,’ Roy thought.

      Millie smiled, and conceded graciously. “We’ll miss you, Roy.”

      Timothy interjected, “I can watch the house, Roy. What do ya need done? The lawn, the mail, stuff like that?”

      Roy nodded, and dug into his back pocket for his wallet. “Here’s a couple of twenties, Tim, that should be enough to get you started.”

      He turned to Millie. “And here’s the address I’ll be at, with the phone number. Call me if anything comes up, please, and if I’m not back in a couple of weeks, I’ll mail Tim some more money.”

      Uncertainly, Millie accepted the slip of paper Roy had written out and handed to her. “Don’t worry about the money, Roy. You can settle up with Tim when you get home.” She looked carefully at Roy. “Are you sure you’re OK?”

      She didn’t want to ask him about Joanne. But something about Roy today seemed a little odd to her. It wasn’t at all like him to do things at the last minute. He was one of the most careful, organized, methodical men she’d ever met; she frequently wished, over the years, that Tim Senior would be more like Roy.

      Bursting over here on Thanksgiving morning to arrange house sitting at the last minute wasn’t like him at all.

      “I’m fine,” Roy assured Millie, shaking Tim’s hand and turning to leave.

      ‘At least, I will be soon, I hope,’ Roy thought.

      *****************

      Roy relaxed more every minute as the miles smoothly passed away underneath the wheels of his Camry. It was a beautiful day and the air as he drove north became cooler and crisper. It was nice to be functioning without the slight alcohol buzz he seemed to permanently have these days. It was amazing to be out and about and not need the booze.

      Roy thought that the trip would take about five or six hours. Not for the first thing, he hoped that he hadn’t been too impetuous. ‘What if no one’s home after I drive all the way up there? What’ll I do then?’

      ‘Well, surely they have hotels there.’ Roy thought. He reached underneath himself and patted his wallet, secure in his back pocket. He had several hundred dollars in there and a couple of credit cards. Even if he didn’t have a place to stay up there, he could get a hotel room.

      Anyway, he wasn’t exactly destitute. Joanne had had a $100,000 life insurance policy and the proceeds had come through a couple of months ago. Roy had more money than he knew what to do with.

      But no family.

      *****************

      Johnny threw a few more things into his suitcase and decided that would be enough clothes for the long weekend. He fastened the bag shut and walked over to the front door to set it down.

      Yeah, he was looking forward to his trip but not yet another flight on Southwest Airlines to LA.

      ‘Oh well,’ Johnny thought. ‘It beats driving.’

      Johnny glanced at his watch. He had several hours since until his flight left. That was the problem with waking up on a holiday and deciding all of a sudden that you wanted to fly somewhere. It wasn’t always easy to get flights. Since today was Thanksgiving, Johnny thought that everyone would have already been where they wanted to be for the holiday, but most of the flights to LA today had been booked. The first flight Johnny could get wasn’t until eight that evening.

      Johnny walked into the guest bedroom and looked out the window. He could see one of his horses, Wind, grazing in the pasture Johnny leased next to his home. The sky was blue, the air decidedly chilly. The trees and grass were beautiful in their late fall splendor.

      Johnny loved it up here. But he missed Roy dreadfully.

      It would have been all right if Joanne hadn’t died. Roy and Joanne had had such plans to travel, to see the country and maybe the world. Johnny had welcomed his move North then, because it Roy wasn’t going to be in LA much anyway. Now that Joanne was gone, everything had changed.

      Johnny thought back to last night, when he’d called Roy.

      It had been over three months since Joanne had died and it was very obvious to Johnny that Roy was still keeping everything bottled up inside him. He hadn’t had a real conversation with Roy since the evening before the funeral. When Johnny called, whether it was last night or any other night, Roy was unfailingly polite, always glad to hear from him . . . but never letting Johnny get too close.

      ‘He never sounds entirely sober on the phone either,’ Johnny thought.

      Last night’s phone conversation had been the last straw for Johnny. Despite the fact that he was heartily sick of flying to LA, and his bank account wasn’t recovered from the innumerable trips he’d taken when Joanne was sick, he decided that he had to get to LA soon. He had to try to bring Roy back to life, real life, not just going through the motions.

      Most people wouldn’t have noticed that Roy was play-acting at being alive. He was so good at putting on a front, always had been. But Johnny knew better.

      Plus, Johnny had an obligation to Joanne. He didn’t want to nursemaid Roy, but he had promised Jo to take care of him. And the sixth sense Johnny’d always had concerning his partner was telling him something was wrong.

      Johnny sighed, and decided to try to catch a little of the Cowboys game before he left for the airport. He was walking out of the bedroom into the living room to switch on the TV when he heard a knock on the door.

      Frowning, Johnny altered his direction and went to his front door. He didn’t have a peephole in the front door like he’d had to have in LA. There was no need here.

      He pulled open the door.

      Standing on the other side of his sturdy front door was Roy, tired but happy after his long drive.

      “Roy!” Johnny exclaimed in delighted surprise. “What are you doing here?”

      Roy smiled slightly at his friend, uncertainty playing about his statement now.

      “You said I could visit anytime, Johnny.”

      He knew Johnny had, because Roy had re played their last phone conversation over and over in his head during his long trip North. Johnny had said to come visit, any time. Roy wouldn’t have jumped in the car and driven all this way if Johnny hadn’t been so insistent, so emphatic in declaring that Roy was welcome at his house, as often or as long as he cared to stay.

      Roy looked down at the suitcase by the door. “Oh, I guess you were about to go out of town?” he said, questioning Johnny with his eyes. He was mightily disappointed and quite upset with himself for driving all the way up here on a whim.

      Now he was going to have to turn around and drive all the way home.

      Johnny grinned, a huge, lopsided smile. “Yeah, I was.”

      “Where were you going?”

      “LA.” That ‘s all Johnny needed to say. Roy knew exactly why he was going down there. And he knew that Johnny wasn’t going to be going now.

      Grasping Roy’s hand with his own, Johnny pulled him inside. “Come in, come in!”

      *****************

      Johnny dumped a big handful of spaghetti noodles into the pot of boiling water on the stove. Taking a wooden spoon, he shoved all the pasta down until the boiling water covered it.

      “Roy,” he said, turning to look back at his friend, “Would you...?”

      He saw that Roy was already setting the table.

      “Oh. Thanks.”

      Roy grinned. “At least you keep your kitchen organized like you did at your last apartment in LA. I found everything I was looking for.”

      “Glad I was able to help you out, pal,” Johnny said. “We aim to please.”

      Once the pasta was appropriately al dente and the sauce warmed up, Johnny carefully spooned helpings out on two dinner plates. He reached into the refrigerator and pulled out the salad, too.

      “What do you want to drink, Roy?” Johnny asked, as he carried the plates and salad over to the kitchen table. “How ‘bout a beer?”

      Roy considered for a moment. “Not right now, thanks anyway.” The glasses were one thing he hadn’t found by rummaging around in Johnny’s kitchen cabinets.

      “Well, that means water or milk, then.” Johnny set the plates down and waited for Roy to decide.

      “I’ll get the drinks,” Roy said, heading to the refrigerator. “Let me guess, milk for you?”

      Johnny smiled, a little embarrassed. “So, I like milk. So what?”

      Roy just grinned; accepting the empty glasses Johnny handed him. He poured two big glasses of milk, one for him and one for Johnny.

      The two men ate quietly and fairly quickly.

      However, they’d been at the Academy long enough and retired a couple of years past that that they didn’t shovel their food in anymore as they had as paramedics and later station captains. They didn’t talk either; they’d been friends long enough that they didn’t need to fill up the silence with useless chatter. Roy was tired and Johnny didn’t talk as much as he used to.

      Using his fork to scrape up the last of his meal, Roy broke the companionable silence. “This was great, Johnny. Thanks. I didn’t know how hungry I was!”

      Johnny nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

      Roy glanced at him curiously. “Today’s Thanksgiving.”

      Johnny arched his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

      “Where you planning on having spaghetti for Thanksgiving? Or did I interrupt your plans?” Roy looked concerned. “You said you didn’t have plans for today, Johnny. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

      Johnny shook his head. “Nope. Didn’t have plans.”

      Neither man mentioned Johnny’s aborted plans to go to LA and Roy’s decision to flee north was a sensitive topic Johnny and Roy weren’t ready to broach yet.

      He stood up and began clearing the table. Roy swallowed the last of his milk and jumped up to help him.

      “You were planning on having spaghetti all along?”

      Johnny shrugged as he pulled open the dishwasher.

      “I’ve never really celebrated Thanksgiving, not unless I was spending it with you guys.”

      It went without saying that Johnny had spend every Thanksgiving since the early 70's at Roy’s house, even last year when Joanne had been going downhill.

      Roy flipped on the water to rinse his plate. “You don’t celebrate Thanksgiving? Isn’t that, I don’t know, un-American?”

      Johnny didn’t say anything for a minute.

      He supposed that this was a sign of how far Roy had progressed in his thinking since they’d paired up.

      When Johnny’d first worked with Roy at 51's, he had had to endure Roy’s comments about being an “Indian Cowboy” and Roy saying, “I like the jokes” that Chet played on Johnny dealing with his heritage.

      Johnny did like to think that the peace pipe incident had been enough to change Roy’s attitude, even though it was years before Johnny told Roy how truly insulting that had been to him and his beliefs.

      One thing was for certain, however; Roy didn’t seem to like the jokes nearly as much after that afternoon in the vehicle bay.

      Things surely had changed now, however. After all these years, Roy apparently couldn’t see why John was ill inclined to celebrate Thanksgiving.

      “Well, Roy, we just didn’t pay attention to Thanksgiving when I was young. Except for those awful Thanksgiving plays the nuns had us do in grade school.”

      Now it was Roy’s turn to fall silent.

      Johnny had never, in the many years Roy’d known him, talked freely about his childhood. Roy wasn’t even sure how old Johnny’d been when he’d come to LA. He’d only talked about the reservation when Chet had provoked him beyond endurance.

      “I guess I can see that, partner,” Roy admitted. He felt a little like a lout.

      Johnny finished up the kitchen by wiping down the counter. He turned and smiled at Roy. He hadn’t meant to make Roy feel bad, especially in light of the finely veiled desperation that had driven Roy (Roy, of all people) to drive up to his house on a whim.

      “Hey, it’s a day off work. Far be it for me to complain about that!”

      He reached over and touched Roy on the shoulder. “Let’s watch some TV.”

      Roy smiled a little. “Well, there’s a book I’ve been reading....”

      “OK, Roy,” Johnny said, smiling. “I’ll watch TV – I’ll keep it down – and you can read.”

      They headed back into the living room together.

      *****************

      Friday, November 26, 1999

      A noise in the kitchen awakened Roy the next morning. He looked at the clock radio by the bed. It read 6:30 am.

      ‘I haven’t been up this early in months,’ Roy admitted to himself. He listened carefully and heard the sounds of someone moving around in the kitchen.

      Throwing the covers back, Roy got out of bed and quietly walked out the bedroom door towards the kitchen.

      Johnny glanced up as Roy walked into the room.

      “Sorry I woke you up, Roy,” Johnny said ruefully. “I dropped the o.j. Glad the lid was on tight.”

      Johnny took at closer look at Roy. He was dressed in boxers and a V-neck tee shirt, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

      Johnny smiled to himself. Roy’d been wearing a similar outfit to bed for as long as he’d known him.

      “It’s too cold to be wandering around in your underwear, Roy,” Johnny said with a grin. “My robe is on the back of the bedroom door.”

      Roy nodded; it was very chilly this morning. He headed off to Johnny’s bedroom to borrow his robe.

      When he got back, wearing the terrycloth robe, he sat down at the kitchen table and watched Johnny eat his cereal.

      “What’s the occasion, Junior?” Roy asked, taking in Johnny’s tailored black pants, loafers, and white button-down dress shirt with a gray vest.

      “Work,” Johnny said, talking around the food in his mouth. Roy’d watched him talk with his mouth full for so long he didn’t bat an eyelash.

      “Work?” Roy asked, puzzled. “I thought you were off this weekend. I mean, you were going to go to LA, right?”

      Johnny set his spoon down. “Well, I was going to develop a chest cold Thursday night,” he admitted. He patted his chest and artificially deepened his voice. “I’ve been sick a lot since I moved up here.”

      Roy cocked his head a little as he reached over to help himself to some of Johnny’s orange juice. “Sick? I didn’t know that.”

      “Neither does my boss. Don’t tell him,” Johnny advised.

      All of a sudden the truth dawned on Roy. “You’d been faking to get time with us, you mean.”

      Johnny nodded. “Yeah.”

      Roy shook his head. He didn’t approve of that, but he couldn’t deny that Johnny had needed and wanted to be in LA to spend time with Joanne before she died.

      Nevertheless, Roy felt somewhat guilty. “Oh, Johnny. I never noticed how much work you were skipping. I’m sorry.”

      Johnny shook his head as he got up to get another glass. Roy had polished off his orange juice and Johnny needed to get another glass if he were going to get any juice before he left for work.

      “Don’t worry about it. It had to be done. But I’m trying to be a little more faithful with my attendance at work now.”

      Roy hung his head a little. He’d been so concerned with Joanne he’d completely taken Johnny for granted.

      “I hope you’re OK with your boss.”

      Johnny nodded. “So far, I think it’s OK. I did eat a lot of smoke over the years. It’s understandable that I’m sick sometimes.”

      Changing the subject, he said, “How’d you sleep?”

      Roy nodded. He had slept better than he had in several weeks. “Great.”

      “How do you like the room?”

      Roy shook his head in disbelief. “I didn’t know you had that many pictures of my kids.”

      Johnny grinned as he sat down again and picked up his spoon.

      “Well, every time the kids had a picture taken at school, I think Joanne gave me a 8 x 10. I think I have every school picture Jen ever had made, and most of Chris’ after second grade. That’s not half of them in your room.”

      Roy smiled a little sadly. “That’s nice of you to display them.”

      Johnny picked up his bowl and drank the rest of the milk in the bottom. “That’s your room, Roy. I purposely bought a big enough house so that you and...” Johnny stumbled for a moment, but continued determinedly.

      “So that you and Joanne would have a place to stay, long as you wanted, here. That’s why that room is the one with the view of the pasture, so she could watch the horses, and that’s where I have most – but not all – of my DeSoto family pictures.”

      Johnny smiled at Roy. “Just trying to make you feel at home.”

      Roy ran his hand back through his white hair. “And we never got up here to see you. Not in two whole years.”

      Johnny got up and put the dishes in the dishwasher. “You didn’t have much of a choice, Roy. It doesn’t matter now. I like to think that she’s seen the room now, anyway.”

      He turned and looked back at Roy. Although Roy was doing better and better at accepting Joanne’s death, he looked stricken at this last mention of his wife.

      “Hey,” Johnny said, touching Roy on the shoulder. Time to change the subject.

      “Did you come through town to get up here?”

      Roy, with effort, pulled his attention back to what Johnny was saying. “Yes. Yes, I did. Why?”

      “Because I want you to drive down at noon and we’ll go to lunch. And I’ll introduce you to some of the people I work with. They’re a great group.”

      Roy smiled a little. “That sounds good, actually. Are you sure they want to meet a broken down old paramedic?”

      “That’s paramedic instructor,” Johnny corrected, standing next to Roy.

      Johnny grinned and patted him once more on the shoulder. “And I’m sure they do,” he said lightly, heading out of the kitchen towards the front door.

      He nodded to Roy as he opened the front door. “After all, they actually hired a broken down old paramedic like me. They sure can tolerate eating lunch with a couple of them.”

      Johnny stopped in his tracks. “Crap. I almost forgot. Here.” He grabbed another set of keys off the table next to the door and thrust them at Roy.

      “What’s this?” Roy asked, as he accepted the keys.

      “Your house keys. Don’t want the leave the house unlocked when you go to lunch with me. These are your set."

      “Thanks,” Roy said. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

      “Well, keep them. I had an extra set made for you when I changed the locks on the doors after I bought this place. You still have the keys to the Cherokee, right?” Johnny had bought the Jeep in LA so they’d traded keys on that vehicle before he’d moved north.

      Roy nodded.

      “OK, then. Just hit the main drag in town and look for city hall. The station is just behind there. You can’t miss it but if you do, you’ve got my business card, right?”

      Johnny looked at Roy for confirmation.

      Roy nodded again.

      “OK, see you at noon. Don’t be late; I’ll be hungry by then!”

      “I’ll be there, pal,” Roy said. “Be careful.”

      “You, too,” Johnny said cheerfully, quickly stepping out the front door and closing it behind him. He had to keep Roy busy. What could they do tonight? Wasn’t there a new Bond movie showing?

      ***************

      “What’ll you have, honey?” the waitress asked Roy. He looked up at her, startled.

      Roy glanced at the diner’s menu one more time. “I guess I’ll have the club sandwich and a salad, please.”

      “What kind of dressing?”

      “Italian, please.”

      The waitress, an older woman of about 50, smiled at Roy. “Sounds good, honey.” She proceeded to take Johnny and Kathy’s orders.

      When the waitress had left to turn in the orders, Kathy turned to Roy.

      “So, you’re Roy,” she said pleasantly. “It’s nice to meet you. I certainly have heard a lot about you.”

      “All good, I hope,” Roy said politely.

      Kathy laughed softly. “Good? I was wondering when you were going to be elected Pope!”

      Roy smiled a little at that, glancing at Johnny.

      “Come on, Perkins,” Johnny protested weakly. “I’m not that bad.”

      “Yeah, you are, boss,” Kathy said, winking at Roy.

      “Every morning, right after I get his coffee, I have to dust the picture of the two of you at your retirement dinner,” Kathy teased, the light in her eyes inviting Roy to share in the fun. “You saw it; the one on his desk?”

      Roy nodded; he had seen it.

      It was a great picture, taken by the Department photographer right after they’d both gotten their plaques. The photographer had realized, as so many don’t, that people didn’t want pictures of plaques, they want pictures of people. Therefore, although the edges of the plaques clasped in Roy’s and Johnny’s hands were visible in the picture, the center of the photograph was Johnny and Roy, arms around each other’s shoulders, grinning at the camera.

      Johnny sighed, giving up.

      “Well, at least I don’t make you bow and scrape in front of it anymore, Kath,” Johnny returned good-naturedly.

      Johnny and Kathy sat there for a moment, grinning at each other.

      It was obvious to Roy that they got along very well. ‘Johnny’s probably nice to work for,’ Roy thought, ‘as long as you do your job.’

      Kathy seemed to be very efficient, from what Roy’d seen at Johnny’s office and she was clearly a friendly person, easy to have around.

      The waitress returning with their food interrupted the banter. Johnny, now that food was in front of him, fell silent as he started to attack his chicken salad sandwich.

      “John,” the waitress added just as Johnny picked up the sandwich. “I forgot your milk – be right back.”

      Johnny nodded at her. “Thanks!”

      The three people ate their food fairly quickly. There was only a skeleton staff at the station today, since it was the holiday, and Johnny and Kathy didn’t want to be gone too long. When they were done eating, the waitress reappeared with the bill.

      “Who’s the lucky winner?” she quipped, waving the slip of paper in front of her.

      “Not me, Sue,” Kathy assured her. “I’m not paying!”

      Sue grinned at John and Roy. “Guys?”

      “Give it to me, Sue,” Johnny said, snatching it out of her hands just before Roy grabbed for it. “It’s my treat.”

      Roy started to protest, “Johnny....”

      Johnny looked over at his friend. “Don’t worry about it, Pal. You’re paying for the movies tonight.”

      “Movies?” Roy asked.

      “Yeah, movies,” Johnny returned, digging out his wallet and starting to stand up.

      “We have movie houses and running water up here, Roy,” Kathy said mischievously. “You’ll love it up here. All the convenience of LA without the smog.”

      Johnny raised his eyebrows. “Convenience?” he said lightly. “I don’t know about that, Kathy.”

      Kathy shrugged. “Just gotta get used to it, right?”

      Johnny nodded. “Right.” It wasn’t the most isolated place he’d ever lived, after all. They walked over to the front of the restaurant.

      Sue was manning the register now. John handed her a ten.

      As Sue was making change, Kathy said, “Roy, it was nice to meet you.” She shook his hand.

      “John, I’ve got to run to Walgreen’s and pick up my prescription. Can you handle the phones until I get back?”

      Johnny nodded at Sue as he took his change and pocketed it. “Yeah, we had those newfangled things in LA, too.”

      Kathy laughed softly. “See you in a bit, then,” she said, with a wave that included Sue and Roy. She hastened out the door.

      As the two men headed back out to the diner parking lot, Roy offered, “That’s a sweet girl, Johnny. Have you thought of taking her out?”

      Johnny stopped dead in his tracks. Pure astonishment colored his voice. “Kathy? Take Kathy out? Roy, how old do you think she is?”

      Roy frowned a little, squinting a little in the bright fall sun. “I don’t know.”

      “Well, let me tell you,” Johnny supplied helpfully. “I’ve seen her personnel file. She’s 27. Twenty-seven, Roy. That’s like, what, 25 years younger than you and me.”

      Roy hadn’t thought of it that way. He looked at Johnny, taking in his neat attire, his hair, still dark and only minimally highlighted with gray, and his face, only now showing a hint of lines in his bronze skin.

      He usually didn’t think of Johnny as much older than he’d been when they’d worked at 51s, but he knew that was ridiculous. Johnny was as old as he was.

      “Sorry, Junior. You still look good for a guy in his fifties, though. I bet the ladies still like you.”

      Johnny turned abruptly and got into the Jeep. Roy followed into the passenger side.

      “Roy,” Johnny said, pausing as he put the key into the ignition and turning to look at Roy. “I haven’t had a girl over to my place since I moved. I’ve given up on all that.”

      Roy arched his eyebrows. “Given up on what?”

      “Finding someone that really cares about me.” Johnny turned the car on and buckled his seatbelt. Automatically, Roy fastened his.

      Johnny set his hands on the steering wheel. “When I die, there’s not going to be anyone to mourn me,” he said, quietly.

      Roy was startled at Johnny’s comment. All of a sudden, the conversation had veered into deep waters.

      He was silent for a few moments, working up an appropriate response. “I think I know how you feel, Johnny,” he admitted, thinking about losing Joanne. “No one is going to miss me either.”

      Johnny threw the Jeep into gear and looked behind him to back up. “I will,” he said matter of factly.

      Roy didn’t say anything as Johnny navigated his way out of the parking lot. This discussion was getting way too somber. And Joanne’s death was still so painful, he simply couldn’t imagine losing Johnny too. Losing him would be losing his last link with this world.

      *****************

      Thursday, January 6, 2000

      Johnny rushed into his house, shivering with the cold. He was glad Wind and Rain were safely in the barn, fed and watered for the night. He didn’t want to have to go out again tonight. It was too cold. Johnny had thought, before he moved north, that the cold wouldn’t bother him. After all, he’d grown up in Montana.

      But that had been a long time ago. Decades of life in LA must have made him soft. All he knew was that the weather up here was cold!

      Johnny had gone straight to the pasture when he had gotten home from work that evening, so as he entered his house, he noticed again that Roy’s Camry was gone. He’d first noticed it missing when he’d pulled the Jeep up next to the house when he got home.

      When he got inside, he looked around for a hint of where Roy was. This had been the first evening in weeks that Roy hadn’t been home, waiting for him with dinner, when Johnny got home from work.

      After a few minutes of searching, Johnny came across the note on the kitchen table.

      Johnny,

      Sorry I’m not here to make dinner. But I’ll be home by 8 PM.

      Roy

      Well, that answered that, Johnny thought. At least he knew Roy was OK, wherever he was. Johnny set about making dinner. He was hungry and he thought Roy would be, too, once he made it home.

      Johnny headed into his bedroom and swiftly stripped off his clothes. The shirt was definitely ready for the laundry but he decided the dress pants could last another day. He carefully hung them up and changed into his jeans and a dark red flannel shirt. As he turned to leave his room Johnny felt a shiver run through his body again. He was still cold. He grabbed his heavy cotton sweater from the bureau and pulled it on.

      Once back in the kitchen, Johnny pulled open the freezer door. He looked longingly at the frozen steak he had in there. But Roy was concerned about his weight. Steak and hamburger had passed out of his weekly menus since Roy’d arrived.

      Sighing, Johnny removed some frozen fish from the freezer and dropped it on the counter.

      *****************

      “Your driveway is rough in the snow, Johnny,” Roy said, as he hastened in the front door at about 8:15. “I wasn’t sure I was going to make it in the Camry, and it’s front wheel drive.”

      Johnny glanced up from the basketball game he’d been half-heartedly watching. Johnny hadn’t realized, until Roy had decided to spend the evening wherever he’d been, that he had gotten quite accustomed to having Roy there when he got home from work.

      They usually attended to the horses together in the evenings, or worked around the house or watched TV, bickering about what to watch and how loud the volume needed to be. (Roy had decided Johnny must be deaf).

      “Yeah, well why do you think I have a four wheel drive car?” Johnny asked, looking at his friend close and lock the front door. Roy was dressed in a suit and tie.

      ‘Where in the world has he been?’ Johnny thought.

      Roy smiled a little. “Johnny, you’ve had a four wheel drive vehicle as long as I’ve known you.”

      Johnny nodded. “Roy,” he started.

      “I’m starving, Johnny,” Roy interrupted. “Did you make anything for dinner?”

      Johnny nodded. He gestured towards the kitchen. “It’s in the fridge. All you need to do is nuke it.”

      Roy headed into the kitchen with Johnny following close on his heels. Roy heated up his meal and sat down to eat it.

      As he picked up his fork, Johnny inquired, “What do ya want to drink?”

      Roy looked up at his friend, a forkful of fish on the way to his mouth.

      “Got any soda?” he asked hopefully.

      Johnny grinned, and reached into the refrigerator to grab the rest of the liter bottle of Coca-Cola he bought yesterday. He dumped the rest of it in a glass with a couple of ice cubes and handed it to Roy.

      Taking an apple out of the basket of fruit on the counter, he sat down to join Roy with his meal.

      Johnny quietly watched Roy shovel a few bites of fish and rice into his mouth before he was forced to ask, “So, where’ve you been?”

      Roy slowed down and looked up at Johnny.

      “I got a job.”

      Johnny’s eyebrows shot up in amazement. “A job?”

      Roy nodded, a small smile playing about the corners of his mouth. “Yep.”

      Johnny set his apple down and shook his head. “What are you going to do?”

      “Teach.”

      “Teach what? Teach where?”

      Roy took a big drink of his soda. “This is flat, Johnny,” he complained.

      “Sorry about that.”

      Roy smiled, finishing up the rest of the fish.

      “And thanks for the fish.”

      Johnny nodded, “Well, Saturday we’re going into Sacramento and get us a steak. Plan on it.”

      He sat and stared at Roy for a few minutes. Roy finally took pity on him.

      “I’m going to be teaching at the high school. Substituting for the rest of this school year, but my certificate should come in this summer and I’ll get a full time position next year.”

      “Wow,” Johnny said, admiringly. “I’m impressed. But don’t you have to have some special training to be a teacher?”

      Roy shook his head. “To substitute, you just need a college degree.”

      Johnny interrupted. “In Public Administration?” That’s what Roy had majored in when he was laboriously working his way through his bachelor’s degree at USC in the evenings.

      “Well, I minored in English, and that’s what they hired me for. And some health classes.”

      “Health?” Johnny exclaimed. “Isn’t that like, sex?”

      Roy laughed out loud. He stood up to rinse his plate for the dishwasher. “No, they do that in eighth grade, I think. The kids I’ll be teaching probably know more about sex than I do.”

      “I wouldn’t be surprised,” Johnny agreed.

      Roy straightened up from placing his dishes in the dishwasher.

      “I only was with Joanne, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything,” he said softly, looking back at Johnny, still seated at the table.

      Johnny nodded. They’d had this discussion before. Johnny’d spent most of his life from his late teens on, until recently, trying to get successively younger women into bed, and it gotten him absolutely nowhere. That’s why he’d given up on all of it. He couldn’t agree more with what Roy had said. He only wished that he’d been given a woman like Joanne to share his life with.

      Suddenly Johnny realized what Roy’s job meant.

      “This is great, Roy,” he enthused. “Does this mean you’re gonna stay in Concord?”

      Roy nodded. “Yes.”

      Johnny couldn’t help grinning. “Super!”

      Roy didn’t say anything. He’d already worn out his welcome at Johnny’s. How long had he’d been there? Since Thanksgiving? He had to find someplace else to stay.

      *****************

      Johnny grinned as he saw Roy coming out of the gate. Roy’d been gone a week and Johnny hadn’t really realized, until he’d had to entertain himself every evening without Roy there, how much he’d come to rely on Roy’s companionship.

      ‘Thank God he’s home now,’ Johnny thought, without realizing that this was the first time he’d thought of Concord as being both his home and Roy’s.

      “Hey, Roy!” Johnny called as soon as Roy was barely within earshot.

      Roy closed the distance between him and Johnny. “Hi, Johnny. Thanks for coming to pick me up.”

      Johnny shook his head. “No problem. Are you hungry?”

      Roy shrugged. “Well, they gave us some peanuts on the flight.”

      “Great,” Johnny said. “Got a great seafood place on the way home. We’ll stop and eat.”

      “Seafood?” Roy questioned, with a grin. “I’m corrupting you.”

      Johnny reached over to take one of Roy’s carryon bags out of his hands. “Let’s go, partner.”

      As the two older men exited the gate area, Johnny questioned Roy about his trip, how packing up the house had gone, which of their old friends he’d seen, what the weather in LA had been like.

      *****************

      Roy had had a feeling that this wouldn’t go over too well. That’s why he’d waited until they’d finished eating and were on their way home.