"OFF THE RECORD"
“John? You doin’ okay, pal?”
“Yeah, Cap. I’m just... uh... just doin’ some thinkin’.”
“I suppose the inside of a locker is as good a place as any to do that.”
“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I guess... I guess it is.”
“Mind if I sit down for a minute?”
“No. No, go right ahead. I... um... I’m sorry, Cap. I’m afraid I... I’m not very good company tonight.”
“Yeah, you know, you got Kelly kinda worried. You missed at least three opportunities to tell him to shut up during dinner. I almost did it for you a couple of times there, but I think he finally took the hint. John... you... uh... you know if you feel like talking about it... off the record....”
“No. I... there’s really nothin’ to talk about. But, I appreciate it. I mean, your asking. It... it’s one of those things I just gotta work out for myself, you know?”
“All right. But, if you change your mind....”
“I’ll be all right. I’ll be okay. Thanks, Cap.”
“Then, I’ll leave you alone. I’ve still got some paperwork waitin’ for me in my office. You know, I’ll have to include your run in my report. Roy’s already given me his side of the story, but you and I will have to talk about it sometime. It can wait a little while, though.”
“Cap?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you ever.... I mean were you ever....”
“Did I ever hit my kids? No. Have I ever been tempted? I think the answer to that is no, too, but the truth is -- scary as it sounds -- I can see how it could happen.”
“How? I mean. He was just a baby. Cap, he was only twelve weeks old. Twelve weeks. What could a twelve-week old baby possibly do to make someone so mad that they... they would do something like that? I don’t get it. If I live to be a hundred, I’ll never get it.”
“Maybe we don’t know the whole story, John.”
“I know all I need to know. I saw it with my own eyes. Cap, a... a kid is dead. His father shook him so hard, it broke his neck, while his mother stood by and watched. And... and then, she had the... the nerve to accuse me and Roy of not doing enough to save her baby. If she cared so much, why didn’t she do something to stop him in the first place?”
“I’m afraid I have no answers for that one. I’m sure it was a tough situation for you and Roy to be in. I might have done the same thing you did. But, you know John, you could be in real trouble if they decide to press charges against you.”
“Cap, the guy stood there, calm as could be and... and lit a cigarette and asked me if I knew how much the funeral was going to set him back. I swear if Vince hadn’t walked in when he did....”
“Well, you can be glad Roy has a cooler head than you do at times like that.”
“That’s what you think, Cap. I... I may have tried to put my fist down that asshole’s throat, but Roy left a pretty damn big hole in their living room wall with his.”
“Well, I guess that would explain the bruises on his knuckles. But, walls can’t press charges for assault, John. You shouldn’t have risked your job like that. The law will take care of things.”
“The law? The law’s a little late, Cap. My job’s nothin’ compared to... compared to a baby’s life. Maybe if a few more people had been willing to take a risk and report that guy for child abuse, that kid would still be alive. You didn’t see it, Cap. It wasn’t the first time he’d laid a hand on that little boy. I’m not gonna apologize to anyone for what I did. I’m not sorry, and I’d do the same thing all over again. And, if it costs me my job, then that’s just the way it’s gonna have to be.”
“Well, I don’t think it’ll come to that. The circumstances have to count for something. Besides, I talked to Roy and to Vince. They’re both willing to say they didn’t see a thing.”
“No, I’m not gonna ask anybody to lie for me. I almost hope they do press charges. I’d love to tell my side of the story in front of a jury. Vince said it looked like I’ll probably get my chance anyway, if they arrest the parents. It’s the least I can do for that little boy. It’s the least anyone could do.”
“John, you know I’ll back you all the way. But, you still can’t go around punching people while you're on the job, no matter how much you think they deserve it. The department might recommend you take one of those new “anger management” courses, or at least spend a session or two with the chaplain. Hell, with all the crap we see these days, it might not be a bad idea for us all to sit in on something like that.”
“You know, Cap, it’s been a long time since I... I lost my temper like that. Patience isn’t one of my virtues, but I don’t like to lose control, either. Maybe that says we do all have it inside us, but I... I still don’t see how someone can take their feelings out on a defenseless little baby like that. And it wasn’t just that. The man just... he didn’t care. He just... didn’t care.”
“Some folks aren’t cut out to be parents. I don’t know why they even have kids in the first place. But, I can tell you, it’s not easy being a parent. As a matter of fact, it’s downright tough sometimes.”
“I’m sure it’s not easy. But, it’s not easy being a kid, either. I don’t have any experience at being a parent, but I... I’ve got lots of experience at being a kid. Now that you mention it, if anybody’s parents ever had a right to want to knock some sense into their kid, it would have been mine. But, they never did.”
“You know, John, you... uh... you never talk about your folks. I don’t think I’ve heard you talk much about your life at all. Not that it’s any of my business, but we’ve worked together for a long time now, and I can’t help but be curious sometimes.”
“To tell you the truth, Cap, my parents really weren’t so different from most. I always figured I didn’t have any brothers or sisters because they had their hands full with me. You could say I was a little... uh... a little headstrong.”
“Really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”
“You noticed, huh?”
“Maybe once or twice.”
“Yeah, well, my dad used to get pretty mad at me. And that was only about the stuff he found out about. Man, I would have been grounded for life if he’d known about some of the things I did. But in all those years, he never once hit me. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that he would. He just... he wasn’t that kind of man. And then, there was my mom. People said she had the patience of a saint. She was pretty incredible. I don’t remember her ever raising her voice to me, but I sure knew when I was in trouble. Which was just about all the time, until... until I... I got to high school.”
“I take it your folks aren’t... uh....”
“No. No, they’re not. But, if it’s all the same to you, Cap, I’d rather not talk about it anymore.”
“Sure, no problem, pal. I should go get busy on that paperwork anyway.”
“Yeah. Um... Cap? Thanks... thanks for... for listening.”
“That’s what families do, John. You know, the rest of the guys are pretty concerned, too.”
“Yeah, I’ll talk to them in the morning. Right now, I think I’m gonna turn in early.”
“John, are you gonna be all right?”
“I’m okay, Cap. It kinda helped to talk about it.”
“Anytime. I didn’t do much, but I’m glad it helped.”
“Cap? You think... uh... you think maybe it would be all right if I talked to someone at headquarters tomorrow morning about taking up a collection? You know, for... for David’s funeral? I want to do something for him. I don't think he had much in his short life, and it seems to me he deserves something better than what his parents will probably do.”
“I think that’s a great idea, John. I’ll be the first to contribute.”
“Thanks, Cap.”
“You know, John, I hope you have kids someday. You’re gonna make a terrific father.”
“I don’t know about that, Cap. I don’t think I could survive if my kid turned out to be just like me. My dad used to say ‘one Johnny Gage in the world is more than enough,’ and I... I think maybe he was right.”
“No, John, I think you’re wrong. The world could use a few more like you.”
“You know somethin’, Cap? The world could use a few more like you, too.”
