BEACHIN' IT

It was a bright, sunny, clear day in Southern California. It was March and the temperature inland was supposed to be in the high eighties while the coast was supposed to be in the mid-seventies.

Perfect beach weather.

Yeah, right, thought Roy to himself as he trudged his way for the umpteenth time from the station wagon through the sand to where his family was setting things up. Or rather his wife, Joanne, was setting things up. It looked like his children had already abandoned helping their parents. Jennifer was busy digging in the sand with her shovel -- carefully concentrating on the task of filling her little plastic bucket.

God, I wish I had a camera, thought Roy. He glanced around looking for his son. He saw him at the water's edge poking at a pile of seaweed.

“Hon, can you give me a hand here,” called Roy. He was losing his grip on the cooler and the bags on top were in danger of toppling off.

Joanne turned quickly at his call and jumped up to help him. She grabbed two of the bags and made her way back to the fire ring where they had claimed their spot for the day.

“Is that everything?” asked Joanne.

Roy put down the cooler with a huff. “Yeah, that’s it,” he sank down gratefully into the beach chair. “Ahhhhhhhhhh. Finally!”

“Oh?” said Joanne with a grin. “There’s more work to be done....” She smiled at his grimace, which he quickly tried to hide. “Don’t worry, Tiger. I think you’ll enjoy it.” She stood up and leaned down to him showing him her ample cleavage and presented him with a bottle of tanning lotion. “Do my... back?”

“Joanne! We’re in the middle of a public beach!” said Roy with mock alarm -- his face showed no such trepidation. He took the bottle from her, keeping contact with her hand longer than necessary. “You’ll have to turn around....”

Grinning, she did turn around, bending over slowly with her backside directly in front of Roy’s face and then planted that same backside in the sand between his legs. She leaned back resting an arm on each of his knees and turned her head to Roy. “This work for you?” she asked mischievously.

“I’ll show you how well it works,” he growled softly as he leaned down to her and kissed her on her soft lips.

“Ewwww. Mommy and Daddy are smooching!”

Startled, both parents looked up at their daughter.

“What was that young lady?” said Joanne with parental authority behind her voice.

“Nothin’,” said Jennifer quickly.

“Do you want something, Jen?” asked Roy.

“When is Uncle Johnny going to get here?” asked Jennifer. “He promised to build a sandcastle with me.”

“I don’t know, honey,” said Roy. “He was supposed to be here....” He glanced down at his watch. “It’s already after 10:30. He should have been here half an hour ago.”

“You don’t think he went to the wrong beach do you?” asked Joanne.

“I gave him clear instructions this morning when we left the station which beach and tower to meet us at,” said Roy.

Jennifer stuck out her bottom lip and said, “But, he promised!”

“I know, honey. He’ll be here in a little bit. Why don’t you make a nice big pile of sand for the castle so you and Uncle Johnny will have plenty of building material?” said Roy.

Jennifer knew there was something wrong with that but she couldn’t fault the logic, kid logic that is....

“Okay...,” she said. She headed back to her little plastic bucket and shovel.

Roy leaned back down and whispered in Joanne’s ear. She giggled then gasped, “Roy! You rascal!”

Thwack!

Roy jumped about two feet in the air dislodging his hat, his sunglasses and his wife unceremoniously. She went sprawling, looking back behind her husband. She started laughing at what she saw as Roy continued to sputter -- the cold object that had hit him in the neck had slid down his back and into his swimming trunks.

“Uncle Johnny!” came the screams of delight from both his children as they ran past their hapless father and laughing mother. Johnny stood his ground next to the large cooler he had as the two DeSotos launched themselves at him. He deftly caught each one and gave them a hug.

“You guys want to give me a hand?” asked Johnny.

“Sure!” replied Chris. Jennifer nodded.

“Okay, both of you grab that side of the cooler and let’s bring it over to your folks,” instructed Johnny.

As the three approached, Roy had finished his gyrations and was putting his hat back on and his sunglasses in place. Joanne was sitting up waiting to see what Johnny was up to.

“Heya, Partner. Joanne,” smiled Johnny.

“What did you hit me with?” asked Roy a little peeved.

“A snowball,” replied Johnny with his best crooked grin.

Roy’s mouth just gaped. His children were not as speechless....

“A snowball!” they both shouted with delight.

“Cool! Do you have anymore?” asked Chris eagerly.

“Well,” began Johnny as he reached down and flipped up the lid of the cooler to reveal it full of pre-formed snowballs. “How’s this for starters?”

“Wow!” said Chris. Both kids dove at the cooler grabbing two snowballs each and started chasing each other around the fire ring.

“For starters?” asked Roy incredulously. “What do you mean, ‘for starters?’”

“I talked a lifeguard buddy of mine to give me a hand this morning. Just a sec.” Johnny turned around and waved at a lifeguard truck on the edge of the sand. They saw the driver lean out and wave back. The truck started driving towards them. “We just transferred my load to the back of his truck.”

“What load?” asked Joanne.

“I made a quick trip to the mountains and loaded up the bed of the truck with snow!” announced Johnny. This froze the kids in the middle of their play as they turned to their “Uncle Johnny.” It was their turn for gaping mouths.

“Hey, kids! How would you like to build a snowman instead of a castle?”

“Wow!” came the collective gasps.

The lifeguard truck arrived at that moment.

“Special delivery!” said the driver.

“Hey, thanks, Joe,” said Johnny.

“No problem,” said Joe as he got out and went around to the bed of the truck. Everyone gathered around and sure enough, the bed was piled high with snow… slowly melting but snow nonetheless.

“We’d better hurry though. It looks like the snow isn’t going to last....” said Johnny.

Both kids climbed up and jumped into the pile.

“Oh, that’s cold!” squealed Jennifer. Both kids started throwing handfuls at each other.

“Okay! Okay! Calm down!” said Roy. “If you want to build a snowman, you have to get out of the truck so we can move the snow.” Roy reached into the bed and grabbed Jennifer lifting her out.

“Right, Dad,” agreed Chris. “Where are we gonna built it?”

“Pick a good place,” said Johnny.

“I want to! I want to!” exclaimed Jennifer.

“I’ll pick the spot,” declared Joanne. “ And, I pick…. Right there!” She pointed to the spot right next to where Jennifer had been playing with the sand earlier.

“Agreed,” said Johnny. “There it is. Let’s get to it.”

With everyone helping, the snow was quickly removed from the bed of the truck to a nice tall pile, “right there.” Joe had to leave to spell the guy who was covering him while he did Johnny the favor, so he said good-bye for now and drove over to his tower. The kids and Johnny started to build the snowman with reckless abandon. Occasionally a handful of snow found its way down trunks and a swimsuit with the appropriate squeals and mock shouts of outrage.

Roy and Joanne stood a moment watching the wonderful sight arm-in-arm.

“Only, Johnny...,” said Joanne, shaking her head in amazement.

“Yeah, that’s my partner,” agreed Roy. He looked around and spied the cooler still filled with snowballs. “Hey....”

“What...?” asked Joanne.

Roy indicated the cooler with his head.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” asked Roy.

“Way ahead of you, lover...,” she said as she dragged him with her. Roy opened the lid and she grabbed three snowballs. He followed suit by grabbing two.

“You ready? On the count of three. One, two, three!” said Joanne laughing.

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

“Hey!!!”

The two collapsed onto the sand roaring. The laughter grew as the two children and one wet partner joined in.

The surrounding sunworshippers smirked at the little group. A snowball fight quickly ensued.

So much for the snowman.